On Returning.

Am I returning?  Yes… and no.  I am not going back, but moving forward to a place I once was.  A place where I belong.  Now.

By choice.  My choice.  My land.

I’m moving again.

Remember this. Moving does not necessarily mean staying long enough to get comfortable.  (As if “comfortable” was what I was looking for?)

Moving does not always come with a sense of commitment set in stone.  Life is more like the flow of water tumbling rocks.  Still waters turn stagnant.  We must move, change, evolve, bloom.  Surge and swell like water and waves fed by no more than a gentle stream.

So we move. It’s what we do.  Or at least what we did before and are doing again.  I can’t say it’s been a conscious choice.  We did not plan for a short term move and back again. But I can tell you this.  We are living life full.

As I look back on my adult life (and at 45, that can read “only?” to some, and “OMG!” to others), there are the facts. Moving happens. For example, the first three years of my son’s life, as a single mom trying to make it on our own, we moved a dozen times.  Say what you will, it worked. More or less. We survived, if not thrived.

Sure, I’m looking to settle down.  And our ranch is (and was) the most stable sense of permanence, of home, I’ve known.  Crazy when you realize all the conflict and turmoil it came with.

And here we are. Returning on one hand.  Leaving on the other.

We wouldn’t be living right if leaving was easy.

Of course there’s more to say.  Another day.

Thanks for being there.  Wherever your “there” may be. For I am learning this. “There” does not define you.  I wonder if, if anything, it holds you back rather than sets you free?

15 thoughts on “On Returning.

  1. Glad to see you on the blog again! And I look forward to hearing about you filling the next pages of your life! Oh, how I would love to see the reunion with those precious, beautifully magnificent horses of yours! Give special hugs and kisses from me to Carlos, Norman and Bayjura. Wonder if Gunnar will recognize Segundo?

  2. Well, I said more, but when I accidentally hit enter it sent part of what I wrote for moderation!!! Unless maybe it is still there and just not showing until you moderate and approve. I will check it out when I get notification in my email :-)

    • Hi Ann, so nice to be in touch again, and hoping all is well and wonderful for you! I know what you mean about losing comments in cyber space. Happens all the time – frustrating! Anyway, the words that did come through came through true, and I’m glad to hear from you!

  3. Thanks Gin. I will try to repeat what I had typed in first comment but did not get through :-) As you say in your Nitty Gritty post “Some of us were not born in the place where we were meant to stay.” That has been the story of my life. I have moved several times and only realized a few years ago that what I was looking for was that place I felt and knew was HOME. I did finally find it a few years ago. It is where I feel “embraced” as I am, for who I am, by the place and its people. And, I have embraced the people and the place.
    Sadly I have not been able to move there yet because my house here in Georgia is not sold. I will not rent it out because I need to move free and clear of this responsibility and the worry of it. Thankfully, HOME is only a two hour drive which allows me to make day trips and some overnighters. I have met a LOT of people there, all very welcoming and eager for me to get moved there. Some have already become “friends.” I know it will happen when the time is right.

    As I was writing in my journal yesterday about all the moves I have made in my life I started questioning the purpose for them all and did I make the right decision for each. Then I realized, as the light bulb came on in my brain, that each location experience was for my own growth and development. All my life has led me to this point in time.
    When I found HOME, it was unexpected and gradual. I know it is where I belong, where I will truly become my best and blossom during the rest of my life here on earth.

    • Brilliant!
      Ann, I love this… your story… on finding home.
      I so relate, and so appreciate reading, because you sum up well what I am looking for.
      And you have completed the journey (though yes, I know, it never really ends) that I am on.
      Your point of home being where you both “embrace” and are “embraced by” people AND place.
      For here in Washington, it has been the people who drew me in.
      And there in Colorado, it is the land.
      So yes, now I know what both feel like, but both so separate.
      Can we find true home without both key elements?
      Or when we have those elements present, do we know we have arrived?
      Exciting, Ann… this is a great inspiration, you are indeed!

      • I am so glad my story resonates with you. What is especially interesting is that I did not start going to that place as a potential place to live. It was only as a great place just to get away from here, a break, and I found the people very friendly. And the fact that they were all so friendly, every time, I began to ask them what it was that made everyone so friendly. They would smile, maybe shrug, and say they didn’t know, it is just the way it is there. Various things began to seep into my being…a peacefulness, inspiration, energy, motivation, a sense of endless possibilities. Then as time went on, each time I had to leave there and head back here I would get a yukky feeling in my gut and feel sad leaving there. Eventually I realized one day, while I was there, that it was HOME. Then I realized it was what I had been looking for all my life.

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