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Suddenly it’s spring and you’re busy and no matter that the days are longer, there still aren’t enough hours in every day, or energy in the body to do all you want to, need to, should do…
Tired, a little sore, and somewhat sunburned, and yet it feels good. Just a little longer out there, one more thing, and do you really have to go in just yet? Paper work begins to pile.. Bare hands, wool cap stuffed in the pocket of your unzipped jacket. Only to pull that cap out five minutes later as the next snowstorm blows on through. Yeah, welcome to Colorado. Chapped lips, eyes parched from the wind, mud and snow banks, and geese in potholes on pasture. It’s Spring
Outdoors work is great, but sometimes I need to go beyond, to see and feel her in silence. Out there, alone together. Be a part of this progression of the season.
Walking with the dog for the first time on semi-solid ground out there in a passing storm miles from my house which is miles and miles from any other around here now. And suddenly the roar of what sounds like a jet engine across river. Rotten snow descends the mountain in a violent rush.
I’m glad I’m here, not there.
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A raw wound
You’re left bleeding
by the side of
the road that leads out of town
To a place you’ve never been
and you remember
Anything’s better
than here
an open mouth of
Fish underwater Breathing
through muddy waters Gushing
down brown slopes
Did you think
it would be harder?
Did you know maybe you are
right where you belong
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Moon rises later now. I walk the dog with flashlight in blackness as clouds cover even the tiny sparkles up above that usually light our way. With melted snow, even the ground is dark. Finding significance in the insignificance when I look up at the stars. Or is it the release of significance that brings us peace?
A pair of miller moths gently bang against my window as I sit at the table back in by the light. It’s mid April. Funny the things we are seeing.
In the early morning hours, moonlight floods the cabin. In the quiet and still, here on the sofa with the wood stove hissing and crackling behind me and the sky turning a dusty blue, I could sleep. I could close my eyes and let go and listen to the familiar sounds and be comfortable and warm and drift off. I know I should be writing…
Wake up! It’s spring. Plenty to do. Get up, get out, get to work…
The guys are still asleep. Life with family. My life is not just about me. It’s We. My decisions affect us all. And although I may not have the freedoms I once had, I have so much more. I’ll pass on what I had and am grateful for what I have. Yes, and still want so much more. Thank god it’s only “mid life” I’m in.
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Continuing work on The Art of the Portrait. Because there is beauty within every one. Looking through a focused lens helps us filter what may be otherwise blurred by our own tangled minds.
These things are not found in the fast and easy nor with instant gratification. A metaphor for society.
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I leave you with this. The Art of the Selfie?
Go ahead. Laugh. No one should take themselves too seriously. When really, what I’m working on is the Art of the Portrait. Since I don’t have a lot of willing victims around here, I have to run in front of my own camera from time to time. Okay, keep in mind a few things here. First, I’m almost fifty. Second, I don’t wear a stitch of make up or dye my hair. Third, I spend a lot of time outdoors… Yes, yes, I know. Excuses, excuses. But what we’re looking for the light, the composition, the essence if you will. Capturing a mood. Not a pretty face.
Is it self gratification or seeking understanding? A reflection within. A sense of who and where we are in the bigger picture. Only more often than not, we rush it and compromise results and are too quick to move on to what’s next. What is your place? What is mine? Ever changing. How do we define our place of in between? It is our nature to need to know.
At “almost fifty” I am not the wild young woman I once was. I don’t care to go back there. It was fun, I survived, now I’m done. Yet still so far the wise old crone so quick to offer advice or silent in her seemingly eternal wisdom.
Who’s next?
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Gin Getz 
Love the portrait of Gunnar! What is your backdrop? I’ve been trying to figure that out.
It’s true…even when we are gaping like fish in muddy waters, we are right where we belong. I like to look at struggles as a reflection of who I have created…if I’m struggling…there is something I need from that toil. As soon as I “get it”, I can move on.
Spoken by someone who faces the challenges and accepts the ensuing change. How frightening this can be! I suppose why we may weaken and wish for the comfort of just how it was, even if how it was wasn’t so good… and turn our backs at challenges.
Your selfie portraits are STUNNING!
They are so beautiful, they remind me of my book of American Indian portraits from 100 yrs ago. That same truth, that same can’t put my finger on what it is.
I’ve been asking myself what it means for a society to be engrossed in doing the selfie photos. Is it ego or is it everyone wants to be celebrity-famous or is it a beginning of looking at what it really means to be human, and I hope its this third reason.
I have not a single picture online. I discuss this Right to Privacy issue with myself every day, especially since I’m heading up my rights campaign…
http://www.rightscouture.com launched in January, in its baby steps.
Do more photos of yourself! They are inspiring me. So courageous and brave and fresh and raw, with no makeup. So authentic. Bravo!
Sherie
My point, strange as it seems, was simply to work on the Art of the Portrait, the composition of a face, mood, light and essence if you will. A selfie out of lack of willing victims to stand before my camera. But end of the day, it’s still a selfie, and I have to accept that. Can the selfie be art, or is it just ego, or is at you bring up, a deeper search? I wonder what other readers might think and add to this. It’s an interesting consideration, Sherie, the motivations behind the selfies. I don’t have a phone which tends to be the common way to take, and I have found them for the most part, silly, not serious, just show-offs that “I was here.” Not expecting fame, but still looking for attention. I’m intrigued with our lack of privacy, and our acceptance of this, and your Right to Privacy is of great interest along those lines. Private a life as I live (I have not left the mountain in over five months) I have accepted the lack of privacy on the internet – in part because it’s “safe.” (Ah, but you may question, is it really?) I can give a part of myself without crossing my personal boundaries – though it’s a learning process to find those boundaries. I suppose this is more a conversation to continue over at your Right to Privacy discussions…
GREAT post and GREAT portraits. Love the photos, and the ones of you I especially like the last one under the post and the new profile pic.
I look at your photos and I don’t see “selfies” – I see ART.
And when I see your raw beauty, I am in awe. Sometimes (not very often) I see women who have passed through their youth and yet they still possess a stunning beauty, one that makes you look and wonder. It is not ‘created’ with the affects of makeup, hair, or jewelry, it just is.
It is the organic beauty that captures my eye. And I think to myself “yes, that is the beauty I want to carry around with me when I am older.” It is real, it is solid, and it never leaves us, no matter how much sun/wind/emotions we carry in the lines on our faces.
Whenever I am faced with our culture’s definition of beauty and feel unbeautiful – I am inspired by a face like yours and remember what real beauty is.
Thank you
~M
M- Thank you. I am at a loss for greater words, but those if sincere say it all. Thank you.
More than a matter of beauty, for me this is one of sharing, inspiring, and helping other women remember WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. Each of us. All of us. And each/all in our own unique way. May we all learn to see that within ourselves first, and then in everyone we meet.