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Two different sides of wild.

/ Gin Getz / 2 Comments

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rose hip

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horses in snow

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Stand still.

Listen.

A primordial heartbeat, deep and low, buried inside the great expanse of the thawing lake…

Felt within like a slow, steady drum, the Earth pulses back to life.

Ice moans, the river swells, snow is consumed, and red wind roars from the west. The redwing blackbird, blue bird and robin return.

Solstice nears again.

~

After the dormant season of natural withdrawal, now I too stir to life, sharing words upon awakening.

Today I share a rather unusual post.

First, an article on birth. The wild side of birth.  Or perhaps, a little bit about the wilds within us all. If you’re interested, you can take a look here: www.cordmama.com.

Second, a follow up to a previous post for which many of you have asked me for a follow up. So, following is just that. (Got all that?)

~

An Update on the Elusive Lynx Relocation Efforts along the Upper Rio Grande

The lynx release program into the southern San Juans has been ongoing in our area for nearly twenty years by the CPW, formally the CDOW. Today this project is co-managed and funded by the USDA Forest Service. We love to look at this as a “wildlife success story,” but sadly, we see a very different side to this story, and the biggest loser is the lynx.

The lynx are not listed as an Endangered Species. Nor were the lynx ever considered native this far south. From the US Fish and Wildlife Service website: “Historically, the lynx ranged across the vast northern boreal forests from Alaska to eastern Canada, including the northernmost U.S., and extending in an increasingly patchy distribution along the coniferous forests of the Rocky Mountains as far south as Colorado. For reasons that are not completely understood, the lynx is believed to have disappeared from Colorado by 1973.”

“…There is little evidence that the original lynx population ever lived as far south as the San Juan Mountains (‘Lynx Reintroduction . . .’). According to Byrne, in Colorado’s history there have only been eighteen confirmed records of the species living in the state, and only four of those occurred after 1935, with the southern most being near Breckenridge and the last near Vail in 1973 (‘Lynx Release . . .’)… Nobody knows what caused the species to disappear from this area the first time. Before the animals completely disappeared, their numbers had dramatically dropped for no apparent reason.” From  <http://www.123HelpMe.com/view.asp?id=10148&gt;

No evidence has indicated that these mountains were natural lynx territory, nor do we understand what actually caused their initial decline, but the propaganda and press have incorrectly been using the term “re-introduction” and the public has blindly agreed. And in this day and age of changing climate, global warming, whatever you want to call “the new normal,” trapping an animal in the north east of Canada, and bringing them to the “high and dry” southern Rockies… one can question the reasoning behind this program, see why this program has been struggling against all odds, and sadly understand why so many lives (the lynx) were lost in this human-induced effort.

But still, this animal has tugged at our hearts, received our support, and captured our interest with the regular use of stock photos of the precious kittens. But do we really know what is happening, what has been done, and at what price?

It is our understanding that other species released in this state eventually bring income to justify the human led venture via hunting, or rather, being hunted. Almost twenty years after the initial introduction, and how many millions of dollars later, and at the loss of how many re-located animals from their native Canada, these animals are not hunted, bring no income, and the program continues to spend.

We have lived here full time for nearly 15 years. We have seen more than many wished we would. We live gently upon the land and with the wilds (I am known for running with the wilds, not after them). So as much as I was enamored with the initial idea of having another small game predator on my mountain, we quickly turned from supporting to speaking out against the nature of this program when it became clear this was not for the success of the wilds, wildlife, or those out here connecting with the wilds, but for the success of the humans running the program from some far away desk. If the lynx survive, it will not be because of the efforts of these humans, but in spite of them. Nature is beautifully resilient.

It is reported that our county agreed to this introduction years ago, when those counties further north and more close to the natural lands the lynx once roamed refused. But has our county, or the residents, been involved, concerned, or in any way benefitted from this ongoing effort which cost the taxpayers millions of dollars? Do they even know what is going on?

For many local residents in both Creede and Lake City this project was considered a closed case and a lost cause years ago and most are unaware of any continued efforts, actions and funding. This operation has not been a part of the local community or economy, not supporting nor involving local residents. Furthermore, it is our understanding that the USDA Forest Service on a local level may also be unaware of the continued efforts and the oversight of the contract workers operating within the Forest. Who then is responsible? Who is making these decisions for which there is a great amount of money being poured out, and where is this funding coming from?  And who is concerned with the comprehensive well being of the land and the wilds of the forest, and the public interest, which is intrinsically linked into the responsibilities of the Forest Service plans and actions?

Without taking the time now to site the years of noted and notable concerns with this program, the point here is to simply open your eyes to the current situations. The efforts are continuing, and at a rather large scale. Even from our limited observation base, we are aware of a crew of six trackers, and the daily back and forth by both trucks and then snowmobiles in attempt to collar a few healthy lynx. This is important to note as not all animals trapped are of course lynx, and not all lynx are in fact healthy, and thus not appropriate to collar.

This also brings up the point that we were informed by the CPW that this was a one year only effort in order that the Forest Service could trap, collar and observe the potential long term impact of the dying forest on the lynx. We know already that this so-called one-year program was in operation last year as well, though the trapping efforts were apparently not successful. And with at least one trap left behind and in place from this year’s efforts – do they intend to continue when the road becomes more travelled and the camp ground more used by fishermen, or leave the trap in a public campground and resume again next winter?

Just last week, I was finally able to walk up the road with my dog and without fear of running into the lynx trapping crew. Between the fact that a coyote had been killed for disturbing their operations, and the concerns that my dogs have been known to get in their traps for free goodies, I felt it would be best to stay away from their operations and avoid potential conflict or worse.

I walked to the well known and used campground beside the river at the far end of Brewster. It is an easy afternoon walk along the road, there and back, from my house. This is where I had camped alone in peace for two weeks at the end of hunting season last year and likely the most popular camping spot in Brewster and this far up USFS Road 520. This is also the historical location where the outpost used to be that once rented horses to help travelers get their wagons up Timber Hill. All in all, perhaps the most well know and well used location for recreation on this part of the Upper Rio Grande.

What I found in many locations around that campsite were green aspen trees and green spruce boughs cut and scattered under and around trees. One can presume this is where traps had been set all winter long. One trap still remains in the campground. It is covered by cut live spruce boughs. Cutting green trees, whole or branches, is against the policy of the USDA Forest Service. We have been told the CPW may operate “above the law,” yet leaving evidence of such activity in and around a public campground may not be of the best interests of forest users. This also goes against common sense when up to 90% of our spruce trees and a still uncertain percentage of our aspen have been lost in recent years. Look around up here – how much green do you see remaining?

This is just the latest degradation to land and wildlife observed this winter. Within the lynx program, this winter we’ve put up with dead deer hanging from trees as bait (though lynx are not known to eat dead deer – coyotes are), traps set alongside road with dead wildlife within, and of course, the infamous killing the coyote that was feeding on said bait that became a so-called nuisance to the trapping operations.

Trapping continued well into kitting season. This is the time of year mother cats are so desperate for food they once tried to follow my housecats through the cat door, and chewed on a tarp where we accidently spilled eggs another year. Furthermore, on the chance that a mama cat did fall for their bait and become stuck in a trap for 24 hours, what would happen to her newborns that need to nurse every 2 – 4 hours? One can only hope this was not the case.

…And what for? For the latest efforts, we were told trapping was for collaring and in turn for observing over the next five to ten years to see what impact the dying trees have on the lynx. Our trees have died and continue to die. Snowshoe hare eat the fresh branches of live spruce in the winter. And snowshoe hare are the mainstay of the lynx diet. You do the math. Will these collars tell us otherwise?

The saving grace here is that nature is adaptable. The survival of the lynx in their new territory will not be because of what we did, but in spite of what we do. And still, man (or woman) will take the credit.

~


 moose~

on the reservoir

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The Still, Silent Rousing of Solstice

/ Gin Getz / 3 Comments

frost

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Mid morning after a pale sun rises over the silvery snow of pasture. The last herd of elk on the mountain, a few cows led by a young spike bull, nervously jump the fence, one at a time, each one hesitating, stepping back, moving forward, a slowly progressing wave. They are working their way down river, down mountain. The horses watch. Curious, not disturbed. They see this coming and going every six months, as they remain. Now colder, now warmer, now working hard, now not much more to do than paw through the snow just for something to keep busy with while waiting for the next flake of hay. Now is their wild time. As it is for me too.

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coming in for dinner

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Mid day I sit by the river. An open patch where the creek comes in. Most of the river and creeks have frozen over by now, ice covered with snow, insulation. The mountain is quiet.

The other day on a snowshoe, a warm hillside, a dead standing aspen having held onto its leaves. The updraft air moves through the dried and brown leaves. A rustle like walking through the big piles of dead leaves we raked and jumped into as children. The sound stirs me. Remembering seasons past, yet to come, the great cycle to which we are but witness. Or are we a part?

Now I am here to listen. The song of moving water.  Rising from seemingly fathomless black depths only a few inches deep.

This soft sound, the little space of open river.

I gaze with soft eyes, unfocused, a peripheral view, and it is like I remember as a kid staring into deep waters and waves of the infinite space of the sea. Daydreaming then. Daydreaming now. Taken away by the water.

Now she shows me her veins. A small spot open to the elements, of the elements. The life blood of the mountain. Exposed.

For a moment I sit with her, her song, her movement, her flow, the primordial pulse, the connection of life and blood, movement and eternal migration. The low sun dazzling on the tips of the currents, tiny white caps that have yet to freeze. I too know they soon will. Winter has only begun.

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small rock in big river

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Today I return to the mountain. Away from my desk.  Both of which I am a part. In which we find balance, ever shifting. We adjust our stance and move on.

Somehow fitting that yesterday my final work of last season was submitted. Today a celebration of completion found in the quiet wisdom of Solstice, one that is only heard if we listen closely, only seen if we are still and wait and watch.

~

Deep within a primal stirring.

In this time of deep dormancy, dark days and internal energy, it all comes together, at peace in its center, like the center of the earth,  guarding its molten core, the slow gentle breathing of the sleeping beast exposed in an unexpected gust of warm air.

I hear him sleep, his gentle breath, and deep down into myself I follow.

Nature, the nature of our beings, of life, the nature of my soul.

Now is the time sap gathers in the roots and the bark remains dry. Out there it appears nothing moves. Day after day of still and white.

Now is an awakening, and a transformation, and though it may be a while before we can hold the well earned throne of crone, before then there is the Matriarch calling, and so to her I am shifting, opening, serving, and finding how to become what is unfolding into the most powerful stage of life.

The wings began to unfurl only months ago. They are still damp, drying, learning to catch air and lift me. And when they do, I have found myself higher than I have ever been.  It’s not a giddy stage, but a solid one. As if the ground beneath me too has risen.

And though I wonder if I will ever fall back down again, the inner wisdom in me tells me not to fear. We find our truth in those dark corners and hiding under places others dare not peak. And so we overcome as we become.

~

A sharing of reflection, evidence, found buried beneath the snow.

Solstice as a time of contemplation, withdrawing, looking within. Followed by The Gathering. Of resources, wisdom, strength, direction.  Followed in turn by A Time of Giving. The natural evolution of things, the way the wilds work.

We learn from the seasons, the cycles of life. Now with our blindly outstretch hands in winters early darkness. Our fingers reaching, touching, exploring. We see with eyes closed that which is most essential to observe.

~

fall leaves in winter snow

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I may not have time to share words with you for a while. In the meanwhile, I leave you with a long one to take in as you like. This is on the notion of Natural Resilience. Inspired by a group meeting I was honored to be a part of here at our ranch recently.

This was written almost two months ago, on my retreat, scratching out the birth of ideas with pen on paper as the first snows fell and the river only began to freeze and I was upriver alone and so fulfilled and the great shift began.

This is not polished, it is not meant to be. It is a natural outpouring, and nothing more.

All it is. All it needs to be. A drifting thought no more permanent or important as stick floating down river. A quiet reflection on Natural Resilience.

~

It is hard to see in the plush season of summer or the stark covered winter. But now, in her season of exposure, of abandoned quiet grace, we begin to see again. This time of year is so clean. An open view. Bare branches, with leaves freshly shed.  Upon the unadorned mountain, clarity surrounds us. Now is the season of exhaling, letting go. A natural allowance in the cycle preparing for the well needed dormancy that is descending.  Balance. The eternal cycles of life. With every death, be it the fresh needles fallen and crushed beneath my gentle steps as I run through the woods, or burned hillsides standing cold before you… from this loss comes rich fertility, new life, new growth. A new cycle begins, or rather, continues.  As with us, each trauma, each challenge, each new experience a lesson and a chance for natural expansion. The eternal rise and fall, death and rebirth. We are reborn every day, every moment. We humans have a tendency to hold onto the past, perhaps out of fear, comfort or laziness. We remain attached to the way it was as we are attached to identities and desires. Like the standing tree that refuses to shed its leaves, or the fallen tree than refrains from rotting.

Is this natural resilience?

~

Just down river from my camp beside a large beaver dam, past a swath of mixed live and dead blue spruce and vigorous willow bushes making walking through a challenge as in a labyrinth,  I stumble upon a group of healthy, fat old aspen trees, all fallen down into what appeared a senseless jumble. The beavers had done this work which at first looks like vandalism, irrational human doing. Silly me – for nature rarely works in ridiculous ways, things coming and going for a reason, with a cause and effect, a part of some bigger picture that we may never understand. Unlike our man made ways, the rest is interconnected, parts of the wave, now rising, now falling, one moving and in motion with the other.

They, the beavers, as so much of wildlife we’ve noticed around here this year, are preparing for a big winter.  They see signs we miss. Further, as we have observed numerous times, the felling of large old aspen springs forth a mass re-growth the following year of new shoots.  A common biological reoccurrence creating natural sustainability. Upon further observation, I note there are few “middle aged” aspen. After t he so-called drought in this area lasting ten or more years, followed this year by the incredible rains, what I do note is a field of brand new shoots, healthy and prolific, having arisen from this especially moist year. The cutting of the old trees will allow these light to grow, and new life will be initiated in the process.  This seems random and pointless at first to us, but when we look closer, longer, and do not interfere but simply, silently watch, we see. Natural resilience in action.

~

Sitting on cool damp sand surrounded by the silent calm of dead standing spruce trees, in small intimate opening down by the autumn river, I meditate.  Ice begins to form along the banks and on the north sides of large boulders.  The flow is lower now, more tranquil, serene, as the upper mountain springs begin the big freeze for the season. As if even the water prepares for hibernation, quieting the pulse of the mountain.

Here, by the river, with no further distraction than the occasional passing bird, and my dog patiently sitting on guard behind me, it is easy to become mesmerized by the water flowing over rocks in the river. The sound, the motion, the light. The continual movement, and the shift of attention from the fluid water above to the steady rocks below.  I consider if we, as human beings, are more like the water, always changing, moving, following the path, and eventually ending up a part of the great ocean?  Or are we the rocks, calm and unwavering and worn to a smooth grace by each passing molecule of water, like all the events of our lifetime, our lifetimes.

Starting from where, I wonder, what sweet seeping spring high up on the mountain has this water come? Endlessly, the water gathers, grows, flows and finds its way around each rock on a calling forever moving, together.  And the rocks, each holding firm but worn so soft and smooth to the touch, as the waters continually flows by, taking a piece of the rock with it and leaving the essence of the rock behind to tumble, reset  or remain in the ever changing waters.

And as the water would not be contained if not for the strength and direction of the rocks, and the stones would not be exposed if not for the gentle force of the water, I am reminded there is no separation.

And so it goes, the continual movement. As a drop of water flows, merges, stills, evaporates, and returns to the river once again in the delicate yield of a flake of snow.

And so it goes, the wearing, smoothing, settling of the stones. As the undying breath of the river continually brings forth and leaves, inhale, exhale, the eternal balance of that which will be, that which was, and the stone sitting solid in the here and now.

Now in my hand I hold one of those stones. And another.  Each soft and round and smooth.  A bit unusual and oblong. Each unique. With my open palm I smooth a small patch of sand beside me. Slowly, I balance and stack, a small shrine, and do nothing more than stare at this pile of rocks.

Perfection found in the harmony and balance of so much imperfection.

Is this not the key to natural resilience, this understanding, acceptance, and respect?

~

Here, by the river.  That began as clouds, and will return as clouds, and back again, and so continuing as long before and far after me, in this one body, this one incarnation, this one chance at understanding more.

Yesterday morning. I wake to the silence of the river. Snow enwrapping my world. The simplicity of the monotone environment, washed in white. All inclusive. Without judgment or preference. Spruce  branches, both living and dead, bow gracefully, and delicate limbs of the aspen humbly hold what they can. It is so much. And this intimate connection which becomes our shroud reminds us of the grace coming from above, sparing none. I step out and stand within the open air temple. I hear the song of falling snow. I stand beside the trees and too am covered, my lashes full and white, bow first, then my snow covered cap and shoulders.  Snow embraces me. I shed tears which become a part of this eternal movement.

I can study the beauty and mystery of one individual snowflake. Each so remarkable and fleeting as they melt in my palm. And then see the whole forest turning white, covered, included, embraced. Can we see both the magnificence of one tree and the majesty of the whole forest with the same eyes and heart? And then look inside ourselves.  One cell, and one whole body. The interplay, the interconnectedness, the interdependence, the unique beauty in all its perfect imperfections.

How connected we all are!

Why then do we keep ourselves so separate?

This, I believe, is natural resilience.  And I am a part of it.

We all are.

~

And here is the secret the earth shares with me in our silence together. I know you know this too. In spite of human greed, fear, anger and lust, in spite of what we do to the earth, the water still flows. The seasons still come and go. The waves ebb and flow. The sun rises and sets. Places burn, epidemics spread, and new trees, new life, like new babies are born.

Nature is resilient. Are we?

Life.  Life happens. When we open our eyes and our hearts to see the incredible eternal power and beauty of the natural way, how can we not be in awe and be humbled?

We are in a time of great change. In change, there is great hope. For what?  Open our eyes. Behold!  Open our hearts. Breathe in deeply.  I need not say more for the answers are all there before us and within  us. This beautiful, resilient nature. Of which we are a part.

~ ~ ~

With grace and gratitude.

For my beloved mountain, river and Earth.

For those with whom the fierce love of land, all land, all waters, and the deepest reverence for the Earth drew us closer.

For those with whom my spiritual quest and questions have blessed me with our connection.

For the new life and exciting changes being breathed into our guest ranch, Lost Trail Ranch.

For my dear teacher and friend of The Matrona from whom I have learned as much about life as I have about birth.

For my next book now birthing.

And mostly for my family, my boys, my two best friends, my team. Together on this mountain.

~

family over the rio

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On Thanks and Giving.

/ Gin Getz / Leave a comment

 

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tall grass and shallow snow

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transformation

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In consideration and reflection of the year long intensive study of midwifery, spirituality and life of which I have been consumed.

I have recently been coming to a very strong and beautiful understanding of the teachings within my own heart. For me, as with most things in life, this did not come without resistance and a little bit of kicking and screaming.Mostly, however, it came through letting go, dropping both veils and armor, and seeing the truth within myself which these studies have forced me to look at.

We are not meant to blindly follow nor be anything we are not meant to become, unless we find contentment as sheep in a flock. Not all of us do. Some will question, some will quest. For us, by diving deep with open mind and open heart, we grow, like an in-breath, and with time are filled with a greater understanding and clarity. How could we not? Or do we resist change and refuse the view before us? Remain closed, comforted within the past, heads safety tucked within the wool.

Inevitably, we are challenged to look at truth, within and around us. The truth may be a little different for each of us, but for all of us, the process of finding the way is not always easy, often somewhat painful, frustrating, and frightening. Such is the process of awakening or becoming. It is expansive, and in the course of expanding, we are often left with uncertain boundaries and in the confusing state of seeing how much we do not know. At some point, the bottom drops out, and we are left to… fall or fly. And then, in that ethereal state, there is where the work is done, when all else has been stripped away, deep down within our souls, in the dark corners we may not have dared to look before.

The more healed, whole and understanding we then work to become, the more healing, wholeness and understanding we can give. This is the greatest gift. For ourselves and in turn for others.  Are we becoming better, or are we simply becoming more? If the answer is “more,” we will inevitably find ourselves surrounded by more choice, and more community. As we become, so we belong.

Funny how a solitary path can eventually bring us closer to others. Simple as it sounds, perhaps it is because of more love, starting with ourselves, and then feeling we have more to give to others. In the absence or weakening of ego, we are left with weakening power of fear, defensiveness, judgment and anger. What can replace that void, in time, but love and knowing? And so, we open our hearts, and find them full and connected. Our community, far away as they may be, is revealed. Although we may be drawn together initially as strong, self directed (wo)men, because of our connection, we find ourselves even stronger, though possibly with a more gentle touch. Such teachings, such shared wisdom, and such support in time help us come face to face with our own unique formula (and thus practice and offerings) for care based on truth, compassion, bravery, and love.

Listening to each other’s stories, and being a part of the community, are powerful reminders and confirmations of this understanding, and living proof of this growing feeling. The comfort of community is the staff upon which we must at times lean. For any form of growth for the sake of found truth, not given truth, and then any resulting following of the natural choice of paths to pursue these truths (in my case, this is midwifery) is a political act. Whether we wish it to be or not, all of us following this calling will at times be up against the conforming, controlling majority, and will be labeled the rebel, risk taker, black sheep, and of course, the witch. Almost amusingly when you see the irony, we may be called ignorant and irresponsible, though our knowledge and understanding may be far greater and deeper than those pointing fingers. Most may not have to endure conflict and condemnation, though in time, all of us will have our challenges, our story.

At 49, having lived and continuing to live an untamed and unconventional life, I still feel I am just beginning. To understand, to know, to belong. And the more I learn, the more I am aware of what I still need to know.  Likewise, how can we know what we need if we have never see these things before?

And so we must trust. And so must learn to let go, like the essence of the Tao. And that, then, is when truth is revealed.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu

So thank you, my dearest ones, for extending the community and allowing me to be a part of this sisterhood. I am so honored to be with you on this journey. May we continue graciously joining voices – expanding in our hearts and in our circles – supporting each other in supporting others.

~

gunnar von getz

~

he's back

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Rapture of the wild.

/ Gin Getz / 3 Comments

Since I was a child, I have spent hours at a time sitting with her, on her, connecting, as intimate as making love though quiet and without fanfare or explosion of emotion.  Sinking, entering, merging, becoming. Finding selflessness and oneness. Connection. I have slept upon, wept upon, bled into her, fed her and she feeds me, tended to her, loved her like a child, a mother, a sister, a friend, an old wise woman. When in greatest need of answers, I turn to her.  In my hardest times, I leave and commune with her.  For me, she alone has the power to heal, connect, give, love, and allow. And teach us to find the wisdom and truth within our selves. It is there.  There, here, it’s all the same.  Because of the ultimate connection. We are of this earth.

Recently I returned after fifteen days alone by the river, with my dog, allowing the Artemis in me to run wild. In the cold and snow and darkness and solitude, it is easy to find peace and quiet, easier to look within, look around, connect, feel, understand. In undisturbed practice, we have the opportunity to fully open and receive, tune out and tune in, merge and become the teaching. Then the integration…

The lesson now is in bringing this peace and understanding which grew and thrived in solitude and nature with me back into the “real” world.  It’s one thing to find peace in retreat. But what good does this do if we cannot bring it back with us, integrate and implement our greater awareness and understanding in our day to day life.

Already I live in and with and of the mountains, and still at times I am disconnected with the powers, wisdom and love of the Earth. Summer does this to me, with the tourists and distractions and noise. Motors and mouths and everything we do seems to be for them, our way of maintaining us, our life here.  Like the Buddha, learning to practice, to find peace within reality is enlightenment – for me the challenge is in learning to find peace and connection during the tourist season, when humans are surrounding, around, a part of my otherwise wild life.

Still, after a long hard season with so many people (yes, relatively speaking…though I find I am one who gives so much, and do not establish and honor my own limitations well, a common trait among the female souls), the time alone in nature rejuvenates. Were I a rich and able man concerned primarily with my own enlightenment first and foremost, turning my back on my wife and child and having others feed and care for me, I too perhaps would sit for months until the answers came. Yes, we know he then spent decades after this sharing and teaching, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.  I can’t just go off and sit under a tree for months on end. I’d starve. I’d freeze.  My husband and son and all my animals would starve and freeze! But I am not. My path is different. I am a woman. As such, I give, I nurture, I care, and I love.  I sense and I feel and I nourish. And as I am these things, the answers and wisdom and understanding come through these things. Through my service of being daughter, sister, mother, wife, midwife.

Buddha tells us we all have the wisdom within, and within us too  we have the path to the way if we are willing to walk it, to sit it, to contemplate it. And the way is different for us all. It is work. It is time.  It is obtainable by each of us. If we are willing to commit. I am.  I waver.  I return.

And it is closer every time.

She is my healer.  My guru. The teacher I seek when I need guidance and answers most. The community I yearn for, in soil and rocks and trees and fallen leaves, in wind and rain and snow and blazing burning elements found high above treeline in the thin air and intense sunlight. In the hawk flying by in curiosity, and then away, far away, a pin prick, and then nothing but blue sky.

I meditate with softly closed eyes, face towards the low autumn sun, and the light and warmth and radiance enters me, fills me, overflows, and we become one, all of us, everything, everything on this beautiful planet. And yes, everyone.

It is the everyone that is harder for me to connect with and understand and even love than the everything.  How interesting then that I should be called to midwifery, to serve my sisters. Indeed we are given the lessons we need to learn.  The earth knew. My sisters know.  All I can do is trust, and serve, and love.

~

freezing rio

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grass

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coming through snow

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A Quick Fix: Four Essential (and Easy) Steps to a Better Life.

/ Gin Getz / Leave a comment

In gratitude to elephant journal for sharing this today.

~

We each have our own unique journey and path. The challenge is to find the beauty and grace within each of us, not trying to be someone else, take on something which does not belong to us, or claiming someone else’s view as our own. We are each our own greatest teacher. When we learn to lead ourselves in our greatest manner, at our highest vibration, then we begin to expand into the soul we have the potential of being. Then we can serve as we are meant to serve. This is our responsibility. This is our wonderful journey.

We each need to find out for ourselves. And we can. The answers are within us all, and different for us all, as we are each beautifully unique. There is no cookie cutter form to define the path to or the goal of a better life. Though the more we dive deep and seek, the more we find there are universal truths.

Following is simply that:  a summary of some of those universal truths for practice, for raising our own vibration, for moving ourselves along the path of enlightenment. For, quite simply, creating a better life.

And yeah, easier said than done, some days, isn’t it?

So we work together, learn from each other, help each other out and grow in the process. This too is our responsibility. Being of and contributing to our community.

This formula I am sharing with you is not original. The essential steps have been around for thousands of years, in theories and practices across the globe. Sifting through the vast array of infinite knowledge embedded in the great religions and spiritual practices, these four gems shine through, solid and bright, worthy of our attention. So yeah, maybe I’m just pointing out the obvious. But if you’re even a little like me, sometimes we need a bit of prodding to open our eyes to see what’s right there in front of us.

Four simple steps that make a huge difference. At the very least, these allow us, if only briefly, to feel better, and make us better people to be around for those closest to us.  And maybe, just maybe, it does a lot more. This practice can raise our vibration which in turn raises the universal vibration. We not only create a better life for ourselves (and those with whom we live), we may in turn be creating a better world.

Give it a try and see for yourself. It works. I guess that’s why it’s been around for so long, in so many different mediums. It has helped me pick myself up when I’m down, raised my energy when it has weakened or I have wanted it higher, and brought me back on my path when I have stumbled and stalled. And when I practice what I’m preaching here, I’ve seen those around me lift themselves up in kind because of shared positive energy. How far can we take this potential?

One step at a time…

By being here now and reading this, you are on the path. That already is a giant step. Or like me, perhaps the accumulation of a lot of little ones. But I’m not counting that (or those) as one of the Four Essential Steps. That was probably the long drawn out prelude. At some point we feel so close, and yet, so blocked. We get to the stage of wondering, “What next?”  And “Is this really working?”  And “What is the point of this anyway?”  Ah yes, the darkness before sunrise. This is a wonderful place to be, frustrating as it may feel. This, my friends, is the doorway to the Jewel within the Lotus.

Welcome!

Before we begin, let’s consider what “a better life” is. Here in the States, the mainstream leads us to believe that “better” is more. More money, prestige, power, position, possessions, trips and stories, labels and accreditations. Bigger is better; the more the merrier. Consumerism, capitalism, and the damning desire for more, more, more! We’re told “better” means having the perfect partner, a powerful job, tons of money, and an awesome body. How many of us think we need these things first, and then the better life will come? I’m pretty sure we’ve all done that. I know I have. You know, the “If only…” “I’ll be happy when…”  “Why can’t I…” and “After I get x, things will be different.”

Well, let’s just say after years of work, we finally get “x.” And guess what? Then we find ourselves still unsatisfied. It happens. We’ve all done that. There’s a bigger picture out there. And once we realize we want to be a positive part of that, then “x” suddenly loses it charm. We find it wasn’t the answer.

I’m not saying these things are bad. But are they the keys to unlock a better life? Are these the essentials for a better life? We all know they are not. They are just the stepping stones to a Bigger life. Or bigger ego, bigger debt, bigger complication, bigger struggle and bigger picture in which we are still not a positive part. So bigger, yes. But better? You decide. You already know the answer. These are not the things that bring us inner peace, contentment, point and purpose, universal understanding and compassion. I’m guessing that if you’re here reading this, your journey is not one of material/superficial pride and profit. You are deeper than that. Your path is higher. Your path is one of wisdom, grace, and gratitude. And love. Definitely love. These are the keys to happiness, fulfillment. These are the keys to a better life.

And so we begin to shift our focus to where we are, what we have, what we can do, and who we truly are. We begin here, learning to create a better life. Not tomorrow. Not down the road. Now. Here and now. Within us. A beautiful place to begin looking and expanding. Starting within one’s self.

Wonderful things happen when we start to fulfill our inner calling, understand our place in the big picture, and honor the complete connection. And the funny thing is, often we find, through practice of these simple steps, we get what we are really seeking. And more. Start simple. The rest will follow.

Now, I’m not saying this is quick and easy. But starting is. And the steps we follow really are. And then it takes practice, dedication, discipline and commitment. And it’s worth it. Because it’s something we can do. Not something we are waiting for, or depending on others for, or need something else first before we can get what we think we want. It’s within us all. And yes, it works.

A better life. Who defines what that would be? You do, as you create it. Start by defining what matters most. Fancy food and a new car and big house and a hot date and a pile of cash to buy the latest, greatest, which is always something more? If that’s what you want, fine. Then you’re probably too busy shopping, spending, primping and preening, and battling through your high power job to be here reading this.

But for those who think maybe, just maybe “better” means something deep inside oneself, something maybe completely connected with the bigger picture, something very, very simple…

We’re the one’s working to change ourselves. Not because we think bigger is better, or more is mightier, or we want to keep up with the Jones’. But because we believe in working towards inner peace. And in turn, we are working towards world peace…

And that’s how we change the world. One little step at a time.

Okay, now onto those steps. (Finally!) Let’s get to work.

Four simple steps. Sounds so easy. Some days it is. Some days it’s not. Like with any practice, the more we practice, the better we become, the better our life becomes. But first, we must start. And second, we must continue.

This practice honors the highest and “best” within you and of life. Through practice, we honor and expand our mind/body/soul balance to the self/community/universe connection, practiced and expressed with gratitude, grace, respect and humility.

Keep it simple, or go as deep as you can. Take three minutes, or thirty…  Just do it.

  1. Breathe… Deep breathing is an art with many forms. This is but one way. This is based on the simplicity of centering, grounding, being. Begin with three deep breaths. Imagine the path of air like a cane flowing through your physical being. Bring your breath fully through your body, deep, down, bright and fulfilling. Breathe in through your nose, imagining the air moving up through your head, down your throat, through your lungs, heart, organs, and down into your core, through your solar plexus at the center of your physical being, all the way into your belly, the dantian, the cauldron, below your navel, where your chi or life force is stored. Then slowly exhale, following the path, completely up, and outward, letting go. Focus on each breath, following it completely through its path within you. Long, slow, deep breathing. Honor each breath. Watch it flow through you. Move your attention with it.
  2. Release… This step creates relief, freedom, space. It is about letting go. Letting go of anger, fear, attachment and our ego. These are contractive states that do not serve our “best” nor the highest energy of the universe. This is surrendering. This is the hardest step. Try. That’s all you can do, and that alone is so much. Begin with forgiveness. And in forgiveness, begin with yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept, allow, be grateful, grow. It is part of going through what we went through that allows us to be where we are now. Be thankful for our past, but do not dwell on it. It is past. Release completely. Holding on to the past is self indulgence. Visualize yourself standing in a cool stream, with the past in your hands. Honor it with grace and gratitude, and then let it go, dropping your hands gently to the water, allowing it to float free, down through the cleansing river, away from you. It no longer serves you. Why hold on still? Continuing with your breathing, on each exhale, release more. Deeper, fuller. Down to our ego, the mighty lion roaring within us all, and that which fights the strongest to hold on in times of change. You are changing. Allow it. Imagine with each exhale, the ego, the past, fears and anger leaving you, floating out, flushed away, or blown out into ether where they can be returned to the Infinite Universe. Release.
  3. Replenish… Now is the time to fill the void back up, recharge that space that was flushed of fear, anger, resentment and ego with Divine Light, love, positive vibration, expansive energy – call it what you will. This is the good stuff. Imagine it. Feel it. Visualize it coming from above, a beam of brilliant light reaching down from the heavens, penetrating into your crown, pouring into you, filling you, becoming you, radiating through you head to toe, and continuing deep into the core of the earth. Watch, feel, open, receive as this light pours forth luminous energy into you, filling you completely, radiating abundance, understanding, and love. See yourself completely glowing, a ball of light radiating from you, from your center, shimmering gold or white or a luminous rainbow. Pure light, pure energy. This powerful positive force shines within you, through you, from your center, deep within the core of the beautiful body you were given, outward, infinitely expanding.
  4. Connect… Now we move beyond our self, our ego, our body, our aura, our space. Now we expand. With each breath, we radiate that inner light outward, farther with every breath. Begin on the in-breath, concentrating that light and energy and positive vibration radiating deep within the center of your being. On the out-breath, send it outward to share it, offer it, extend it. Again, breathe in to return to your center, your heart light where the energy concentrates and increases in intensity. And again breathe out to expand this light far beyond your physical being. Inward to replenish; outward to extend. Send the energy further with each breath cycle. Begin close, with those dearest or nearest to you. Then onward to your community, to nature, to all beings, to the Earth, to the Universe. Breathe out to an infinite expansion. As far as your beliefs will take you, and maybe a little further. Perhaps it is reaching outward just to the person next to you, and that alone is so much. Or maybe it’s further, reaching your community, all beings, the entire earth, and beyond. Where ever this step takes you, whatever feels right to you, it is beautiful. This is bliss, beyond one’s Self and a part of the Whole. It is outside of you. And yet you are part. Go with it. Expand. And here we find the paradox:  you are both everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere. Completely connected. Giving, offering, sharing, reaching out. And as we expand our energy, we expand ourselves. You are with this step making a better life, making the world a better place by reaching out with love and light and connection.

Four simple steps that take us so far and yet no where at all.  We breathe into it, we release, we replenish, and we connect.  And in doing so, we feel better. We are being a better person.  We are creating a better life.

With each breath, we can create a better life.

Namaste. What a wonderful blessing to conclude with.

.

on the ground

Standing Still…

/ Gin Getz / 2 Comments

With grace and gratitude to elephant journal for sharing my work,

for the opportunity to share words and worlds beyond my mountain,

and to all who have continued to read my writing, touched and inspired me.

 

Namaste.

My body, my mind, my soul.

/ Gin Getz / 8 Comments

Back in 1981 at the age of fifteen I walked into a Planned Parenthood office, skinny and scared.  No, not to get an abortion. But to prevent one.

Maybe you’re better than me.  You managed to abstain. Good for you.  I didn’t.  And I had no one else to turn to, no where else to go.  If not for the advice and care at Planned Parenthood, I too could be another women who turned to abortion because I didn’t know what else to do.

Instead, I was treated with kindness and respect, care and compassion.  Because of the wonderful women at Planned Parenthood who cared for me then, I learned to respect my body, respect myself, respect life, and choose it accordingly.  And now, over thirty years later, I return in kind. As a midwife, I serve in bringing in new life. Chosen life. Because yes, I confess, I do believe a woman has the right to an abortion.   And silly me, I still don’t get why it’s a political issue when it appears to me it’s actually zealous religious beliefs that have created the current political uproar and have in turn shut down the federal funding of my beloved Planned Parenthood.

~

This is in consideration of our government’s choice to remove funding from Planned Parenthood (and in turn the 2.7 individuals and families in this country relying on their services) and continued threats of a government shutdown based upon the political/religious fear that Planned Parenthood invokes.

Wake up folks. This is not about money and the national debt.  Remember the funding is already there, and there is not a whole lot of it. This is not something we normally would bat an eye at when you see the figures that have been allotted in the past to allow this service to continue.  Why then the big fuss?

From USNews.com (http://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2015/09/18/why-shut-down-the-government-over-planned-parenthood ):

“Planned Parenthood gets around $450 million yearly in federal payments, mostly Medicaid reimbursements for handling low-income patients, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office.”

Don’t fool yourself. This is a fiasco that contains its deepest roots in political bias, religious un-freedom and the need to control.

No, this is not about money.

This is about, “I am right; you are wrong.”

This is not about giving – it’s about taking away. Contraction, not expansion.  Control, not compassion. Shutting down, not opening further. Imposing my beliefs because I don’t need, want or like it. And somewhere deep down at the core, it’s probably about fear.

And this has been going on for a very long time, my friends.  I am grateful for the rights my mother fought to ensure me. And in turn I understand I must do what I can to protect these rights for the next generation to come.

~

This is a call to each of us to rise above the fear/belief/need in imposing ones personal beliefs upon others and in consideration of human rights.

And even if you’re one to completely abhor abortion and think it is your God given right and/or moral duty to impose your personal beliefs over others, this is still a false representation of the battle.  There’s so much more at stake here than abortion. Like birth control, breast exams, treatment of STDs, and women’s general health services. As per factcheck.org (http://www.factcheck.org/2011/04/planned-parenthood/), only three percent of the services at Planned Parenthood are abortions, and pursuant to an article in the Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2015/09/18/house-passes-planned-parenthood-defunding-and-anti-abortion-bills-but-will-they-help-avert-a-shutdown/), since the 1970s federal funds are not allowed to be used for abortions anyway.

But these facts appear irrelevant in this emotionally charged, political and religious based argument of which the angriest political party may be the “winner” and the people in need are, once again, the loser.

So, why the big fuss?

~

The personal is political.

That is what this is about. Control, religious beliefs, moral ground that claims to be higher ground, and our inability to see beyond the tip of our nose.

Hatred breeds in the darkness of the closed mind.

Love is the open mind. Expansive. Beautiful. Full of compassion, expression, care, choice, voice and life.

When will we learn to open our minds, eyes and hearts?  When will we learn to truly respect our fellow human beings?

Truly rising above fear based actions, and being a compassionate, moral human being means more than just allowing, but at times preventing control, manipulation and otherwise suppression of the bodies or beliefs of our fellow human.

Thus there are times taking a stand is essential, and doing nothing means allowing degradation and violation.

Now may be one of those times.

~

My body is mine.

As I do not want you to violate it, I do not want you to vote on it.

It is not your business; it is not your belief.  It is not your political playground nor you higher calling.

It is simply not yours.

It is mine.

And so shall I defend it.

~

 

grey leaves

Going Nowhere.

/ Gin Getz / 7 Comments

As the leaves turn full and fat and green

and wilds swell moist and plump and prolific

and views enshrouded in cool grey veils

and mornings frost and afternoons wash us away

 

As flowers burst forth and fruit attempts to ripen

and seeds within are scattered without

so far yet from fruition but emerging

coming to a life not yet realized

 

River voice speaks loudly

monotone and constant

And I vaguely remember the in and out

pulse and surge of waves

 

But we do not have that here.

 

Pale silver morning dew

frosted on tall green grass

already turned to seed

that this year may wash away

rather than scatter in the winds

 

Waving silky laden pregnant with promise

I do not know their names

any  more than I know the names of flowers or birds

as they know them not and care not too

 

Only appreciate my recognition:

the blue one, the dear one,

the silly one that lights atop the outhouse,

the yellow one that blooms beside the door.

 

Geese grow their young and feathers of flight

and coyotes are wisely silent

and crow sits on the rock watching her mate

feeding her child now the same size as she

 

And the river barely lowers her voice on this year

that the snow gathers energy to return early

on this lush ephemeral season

which I will watch pass

 

And through which I will remain

now apart of where I tried to leave

finding roots sinking spreading taking strong hold

through bedrock without my blessings

 

Ah yes, and now they got me.

 

And here I am

and shall remain

beside nameless flowers

and familiar songs of birds and wind

and grasses bursting with next year’s life.

old mans beard

 

elephant heads

 

penstimon

 

The season is short.  How long until the winter coat begins to grow again?

Time to get to work.

Got a house to build, a business to run, school to study, bellies to fill, another move to make… and another book to complete and the next one softly raps against the door, waiting for room to come in.

A tremendous time of change.

Time to turn within and focus at the work at hand.

Spilling over, now is the time of bounty.

Expansion in retreat.

And though the writing room is being built and new books are spilling into fruition, for now I am taking a rest from sharing articles for a while.

I’ll touch base from time to time, a way to keep grounded and connected and remind you I care, because I hope you know I do.  In the meanwhile, please keep in touch if you’d like – write me directly or via this web site (sorry, I no longer use other social media and prefer to keep it personal instead).

Until the next time we meet…

norman

 

on pasture

 

On Death, Dying and Depression: Dealing with our Darkest Days.

/ Gin Getz / 17 Comments

~

Finding a bright side to a dark situation.

Going with it. Allowing it.  Honoring it.  Moving beyond not in spite of, but because of.

Because we can learn the greatest lessons from our darkest days.

This is the natural cycle of life. And death.

~

This is not what I meant to write about this week.  A whole essay on another topic open on my desk top ready to share with you.  It can wait.  This came up. And so we go with it. Ride the waves of life. For to miss out is to lose those greatest lessons.  This is living.

~

Here in the high country, rain and hail continue. Clear mornings bring heavy frost. Clouds amass by mid day and the sky is awash in striations of deep grey by afternoon. Maybe in evening after a good downpour, the sun will break through far to the west and illuminate the tops of the snow covered peaks, glowing like stars on top a Christmas tree.

Leaves challenge the elements and slowly emerge, blending hillsides of the most vibrant greens into bands of waving white above tree line. Dandelions are quick to open their sunny faces in fleeting moments of sunny skies, and tuck themselves in with a sense of self preservation and practicality when the clouds wash over again.

Now is the time of rebirth, yet what I feel is the oppression of loss.

No one I know has recently died, nothing has changed, nothing is really wrong.

And yet, I feel I have lost something.

Something deep and primal and personal and essential.

A part of myself.

And for that part, that something I can not fully define, I find myself in mourning.

Amazing we can feel this way, so strongly, when on the outside it appears everything in our lives is “just fine.”

~

I need to rant.  Please bear with me. I think you can take this, and maybe, just maybe, you’ve felt this way too.

Winter was hard.  It’s a long story; I won’t bore you with it now.  But the season on one hand left me empowered and with new focus; and on the other left me tired, empty, something in me missing, hurt, off, wrong.  The wind got me.  That sounds weird and I don’t really understand how and I can’t explain it better than that, and believe me, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.  But I think that’s what it was. The wind.

I thought I was strong.  Impenetrable.  (At times we may find we are weaker than we think, and the lesson may be in finding the beauty in that softness which only weakness allows.)  Well, I don’t particularly want to be weak, so I went to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor and she noticed the wind right away.  She said my chi was weakened and the wind got in me and got me bad.  Believe what you wish, think what you want, this really made sense to me.  It just felt right.  Something deep inside was off and needed to get grounded.

So, I’ve been working to balance my chi again, and thought I was doing well… but then suddenly… WHAM.

Suddenly I am sad, angry and depressed.

What triggered this? Where does this stuff come from?  I thought I was doing great… everything was fine.

I walk down to my beloved bridge – my way to get away – and the river is so crazy high with spring melt off from the warm temperatures mixed with the abundance of rain, swirling café au lait colored brown and raging, loud, wild, powerful and intense like I have never felt her run before… and I just sit there, legs dangling off the bridge in the middle of all this powerful water… and I cry.  Hard.  I have visions of falling into that water. I think how easy it would be. Just let go, slip away. No more problems, confusion, hurt… But I don’t want to end my life or miss out on what will be or cause pain to others.

What then, can I do to end this suffering?

Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself. I’m not suicidal.  I’m just really sick of life today.

~

The next day, I walk back down to the river, that bridge, and stand there over the mighty river and smile. The sun shines warm on my face and my husband holds me and says just the right things, and my dog sits by my side as I stop and listen to the strong white noise and I can’t imagine a better life.

~
Nuts, you may say.

Maybe so.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is living life, wild and free.

And what can we do but go with it, and make the most of it?

~

Considering balance.  Our life is fuller if we allow the cycle of life to ebb and flow and even over flow at times. Remaining in balance at all times denies us this vast array of human emotions, creative expression, wild adventures, amazing acts of beautiful passion and tremendous bravery, and ultimately, great achievements.  Balance is an over-touted safety net by which we can remain level, in line.  Mediocrity, if you ask me. And missing out.  It’s not easy, riding the pendulum, but it’s a wild ride, and well worthwhile. And I’m just starting to get it: this is what living life fully means.

(More on this can be found in the fabulous excerpts from this week’s Brain Pickings.)

What can I say?  Don’t say a thing.  Instead, let’s hold on to our hats and stand out in the wind and pouring rain, raise our heads back and howl!

Because remember this too:  What about love?  What is level and balanced about love? Would you be willing to miss out on love in order to keep your cool and maintain control and live your life well balanced?

~

And yes, that means risking a broken heart.

A little bit of death every time.

Would you have it any other way?
~

And so we must die. Leave the past behind.

What does it mean to die and remain among the living?

Is this not an intense part of the spiritual journey, and like all experiences, unique to each of us?

Giving everything, going to the ends, letting go, a complete release, and opening up to that which is absolutely new.

Or do we prefer to let go of those extremes, find center, be steady and stable and secure, and live life only from that balance point?

There is no one right way.

What way do you choose?

I won’t tell you your way is wrong if you won’t tell me mine is.

~

Suddenly in meditation it all makes sense.  Fleeting glimpses of great wisdom and the Divine.  The intensity is intoxicating, though it does not last long.  I don’t have the answers, but the questions become more clear, and I can’t help but want to know more…

~

There is such comfort in knowing we are not the only one. And so I share this, with you.  Maybe you’ll think I’m nuts, and prefer to remain safe and stable. Or maybe you’ll feel this way too.

~

Dear Amy of SoulDipper shares the following wisdom:

We do have to die before we are reborn.  One book used in my study of the mystical principles in Sufism (borne from the wisdom of the Desert Fathers) contains a chapter titled “Die Before You Die”.    

…Rumi, the poet who was a devout Sufi, is also quoted in the chapter.  He wrote:  

The mystery of “Die before you die” is this:
that the gifts come after your dying, and not before.
Except for dying, you artful schemer,
no other skill impressed God.  One Divine gift
is better than a hundred kinds of exertion.
Your efforts are assailed from a hundred sides,
and the favor depends on your dying.
The trustworthy have already put this to the test.
(Mathnawi, VI, 3837-40)

(Amy is a wonderful friend, well known resource, powerful guide, and fellow soul searcher along this journey.  She offers two invaluable services for the awakening mind. First is her Operation Blind Spot, helping you help yourself in understanding, accepting and healing your past.  Second are her Intuitive Sessions, channeled readings bringing insight and wisdom into the Self through spirit guides, and ultimately, through the Divine.)

~

Can we call it depression in the literary sense, not the clinical:  low, slow, down, dull?

Finding a bright side to a dark situation… for is not depression a little bit of our soul dying and being reborn with every wave?

I think those of us who think a lot about things like… say… life… are going to have our spells.  How could we not?

We are not taught to treat ourselves, to trust ourselves and even to understand ourselves.

I am challenging you to begin. With me.  Let’s give it a try.

To clarify depression, I do not mean the clinical term but the emotional state.  As in sad, down, low, dull (for none of us can be up, high, bright and light all the time!).

The label of Depression for disease, chemical imbalance, mental illness are of separate concern and beyond my realm.  Not that I don’t want to give this matter value, but I don’t deal with labels (nor the medical model).  I deal with life, and hope to share my little glimpses with you, not take on medical assumptions.

What I speak of here is the inner turmoil of the eternal seeker.  The natural part of life for those living fully.  The low on the waves, the ebb of the tide, and dark cycle of the changing moon.  To avoid darkness is to deny half of our life.

As we are all unique, so are our maladies, and so are our treatments.  Listen to yourself; trust yourself; know that you are your own best excerpt – no one knows you better than you know yourself. And yes, sometimes knowing our selves means knowing when to turn to others for help…

For those of us for whom depression is but a dark spot to dive into, it serves as an opening to the light on the other side.  Maybe a cliché.  But you get what I mean.

~

Because there must be death before new life.

Leaves will wither and fall before new buds emerge.

Which promise then new blossoms, fragrant and bright and wild.

~

My husband tells me he was told you haven’t really lived if you never thought of dying.

~

Does the cycle ever end?

What would the alternative be?  Balance?

Missing out on the lows would mean missing out on the highs.

Am I willing to forgo all that to remain somewhere safe?

~

At times I am tempted, but these times do not remain for long.

I return to life with a childlike zeal and curiosity and passion.

Lost as the young women I try to help.

How can I help when I don’t know the answers?

Somehow just being there, reminding others they are not alone, you are not the only one and this is not wrong… in fact, within this is something very beautiful indeed.

I am still on the path.

Walking beside.

Some days wildly wandering.

~

I don’t know where I am going with my writing.

I don’t know where I am going with my life.

Saying that at nearly fifty seems wrong.

I want to know. I think.

Some days I don’t want to be searching still.

I want to have found the answers.

Truth.

Maybe we never do.

So, I write.

Words come.

I can’t keep up though I try, and have no idea where these words will lead me, will lead you, if you will even read.  And somehow this matters, not for vanity so much as sanity, and just the same, I must write.

I want to reach people, help people, that’s why I write, I think that’s why words come to me, through me.

Some days I just don’t know.

Maybe today is one of those days.

Tomorrow will be different.

~

After nearly fifty years of asking questions, suddenly I find myself being asked the very questions I have asked a hundred times. Although I still feel so often like a child in body, heart and mind, what others see must be different:  graying hair and spreading wrinkles like hoar frost on a winter morning.

The natural progression of things. I’m not sure I understand, but go along with it. What else can I do?

This is the curious order of awakening minds.

And the random wisdom we share,

as both the asker and teller

Receive.

~

Widen your gaze!

Embrace all of life.

The light and the dark.

My world is wild, and natural, and trusting and nurturing.  It’s cruel, harsh and raw and real at times, and more beautiful than anything I could dream up other times.  I don’t want to refute, refuse or change my world, only make the most of it, be fully connected, and do my best to understand, integrate, and be one with it all.

I want to live.

As fully as I can.

~

Working in the high country yesterday, along the Continental Divide.  Pouring rain, soaked through slickers and boots well packed with mud and I’m just grateful it’s not snowing.  We’re wet and chilled and working with saw, shovel and ax until we feel we can’t do more and then of course we do a little more because really it just feels so good to be out there in the elements and giving our all and this is living, and that’s how I feel so alive.

~

Once again, I am re-born.

~ ~ ~