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On Thanks and Giving.

/ Gin Getz / Leave a comment

 

~

tall grass and shallow snow

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transformation

~

In consideration and reflection of the year long intensive study of midwifery, spirituality and life of which I have been consumed.

I have recently been coming to a very strong and beautiful understanding of the teachings within my own heart. For me, as with most things in life, this did not come without resistance and a little bit of kicking and screaming.Mostly, however, it came through letting go, dropping both veils and armor, and seeing the truth within myself which these studies have forced me to look at.

We are not meant to blindly follow nor be anything we are not meant to become, unless we find contentment as sheep in a flock. Not all of us do. Some will question, some will quest. For us, by diving deep with open mind and open heart, we grow, like an in-breath, and with time are filled with a greater understanding and clarity. How could we not? Or do we resist change and refuse the view before us? Remain closed, comforted within the past, heads safety tucked within the wool.

Inevitably, we are challenged to look at truth, within and around us. The truth may be a little different for each of us, but for all of us, the process of finding the way is not always easy, often somewhat painful, frustrating, and frightening. Such is the process of awakening or becoming. It is expansive, and in the course of expanding, we are often left with uncertain boundaries and in the confusing state of seeing how much we do not know. At some point, the bottom drops out, and we are left to… fall or fly. And then, in that ethereal state, there is where the work is done, when all else has been stripped away, deep down within our souls, in the dark corners we may not have dared to look before.

The more healed, whole and understanding we then work to become, the more healing, wholeness and understanding we can give. This is the greatest gift. For ourselves and in turn for others.  Are we becoming better, or are we simply becoming more? If the answer is “more,” we will inevitably find ourselves surrounded by more choice, and more community. As we become, so we belong.

Funny how a solitary path can eventually bring us closer to others. Simple as it sounds, perhaps it is because of more love, starting with ourselves, and then feeling we have more to give to others. In the absence or weakening of ego, we are left with weakening power of fear, defensiveness, judgment and anger. What can replace that void, in time, but love and knowing? And so, we open our hearts, and find them full and connected. Our community, far away as they may be, is revealed. Although we may be drawn together initially as strong, self directed (wo)men, because of our connection, we find ourselves even stronger, though possibly with a more gentle touch. Such teachings, such shared wisdom, and such support in time help us come face to face with our own unique formula (and thus practice and offerings) for care based on truth, compassion, bravery, and love.

Listening to each other’s stories, and being a part of the community, are powerful reminders and confirmations of this understanding, and living proof of this growing feeling. The comfort of community is the staff upon which we must at times lean. For any form of growth for the sake of found truth, not given truth, and then any resulting following of the natural choice of paths to pursue these truths (in my case, this is midwifery) is a political act. Whether we wish it to be or not, all of us following this calling will at times be up against the conforming, controlling majority, and will be labeled the rebel, risk taker, black sheep, and of course, the witch. Almost amusingly when you see the irony, we may be called ignorant and irresponsible, though our knowledge and understanding may be far greater and deeper than those pointing fingers. Most may not have to endure conflict and condemnation, though in time, all of us will have our challenges, our story.

At 49, having lived and continuing to live an untamed and unconventional life, I still feel I am just beginning. To understand, to know, to belong. And the more I learn, the more I am aware of what I still need to know.  Likewise, how can we know what we need if we have never see these things before?

And so we must trust. And so must learn to let go, like the essence of the Tao. And that, then, is when truth is revealed.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu

So thank you, my dearest ones, for extending the community and allowing me to be a part of this sisterhood. I am so honored to be with you on this journey. May we continue graciously joining voices – expanding in our hearts and in our circles – supporting each other in supporting others.

~

gunnar von getz

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he's back

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Rapture of the wild.

/ Gin Getz / 3 Comments

Since I was a child, I have spent hours at a time sitting with her, on her, connecting, as intimate as making love though quiet and without fanfare or explosion of emotion.  Sinking, entering, merging, becoming. Finding selflessness and oneness. Connection. I have slept upon, wept upon, bled into her, fed her and she feeds me, tended to her, loved her like a child, a mother, a sister, a friend, an old wise woman. When in greatest need of answers, I turn to her.  In my hardest times, I leave and commune with her.  For me, she alone has the power to heal, connect, give, love, and allow. And teach us to find the wisdom and truth within our selves. It is there.  There, here, it’s all the same.  Because of the ultimate connection. We are of this earth.

Recently I returned after fifteen days alone by the river, with my dog, allowing the Artemis in me to run wild. In the cold and snow and darkness and solitude, it is easy to find peace and quiet, easier to look within, look around, connect, feel, understand. In undisturbed practice, we have the opportunity to fully open and receive, tune out and tune in, merge and become the teaching. Then the integration…

The lesson now is in bringing this peace and understanding which grew and thrived in solitude and nature with me back into the “real” world.  It’s one thing to find peace in retreat. But what good does this do if we cannot bring it back with us, integrate and implement our greater awareness and understanding in our day to day life.

Already I live in and with and of the mountains, and still at times I am disconnected with the powers, wisdom and love of the Earth. Summer does this to me, with the tourists and distractions and noise. Motors and mouths and everything we do seems to be for them, our way of maintaining us, our life here.  Like the Buddha, learning to practice, to find peace within reality is enlightenment – for me the challenge is in learning to find peace and connection during the tourist season, when humans are surrounding, around, a part of my otherwise wild life.

Still, after a long hard season with so many people (yes, relatively speaking…though I find I am one who gives so much, and do not establish and honor my own limitations well, a common trait among the female souls), the time alone in nature rejuvenates. Were I a rich and able man concerned primarily with my own enlightenment first and foremost, turning my back on my wife and child and having others feed and care for me, I too perhaps would sit for months until the answers came. Yes, we know he then spent decades after this sharing and teaching, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.  I can’t just go off and sit under a tree for months on end. I’d starve. I’d freeze.  My husband and son and all my animals would starve and freeze! But I am not. My path is different. I am a woman. As such, I give, I nurture, I care, and I love.  I sense and I feel and I nourish. And as I am these things, the answers and wisdom and understanding come through these things. Through my service of being daughter, sister, mother, wife, midwife.

Buddha tells us we all have the wisdom within, and within us too  we have the path to the way if we are willing to walk it, to sit it, to contemplate it. And the way is different for us all. It is work. It is time.  It is obtainable by each of us. If we are willing to commit. I am.  I waver.  I return.

And it is closer every time.

She is my healer.  My guru. The teacher I seek when I need guidance and answers most. The community I yearn for, in soil and rocks and trees and fallen leaves, in wind and rain and snow and blazing burning elements found high above treeline in the thin air and intense sunlight. In the hawk flying by in curiosity, and then away, far away, a pin prick, and then nothing but blue sky.

I meditate with softly closed eyes, face towards the low autumn sun, and the light and warmth and radiance enters me, fills me, overflows, and we become one, all of us, everything, everything on this beautiful planet. And yes, everyone.

It is the everyone that is harder for me to connect with and understand and even love than the everything.  How interesting then that I should be called to midwifery, to serve my sisters. Indeed we are given the lessons we need to learn.  The earth knew. My sisters know.  All I can do is trust, and serve, and love.

~

freezing rio

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grass

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coming through snow

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Home.

/ Gin Getz / 6 Comments

A Quick Fix: Four Essential (and Easy) Steps to a Better Life.

/ Gin Getz / Leave a comment

In gratitude to elephant journal for sharing this today.

~

We each have our own unique journey and path. The challenge is to find the beauty and grace within each of us, not trying to be someone else, take on something which does not belong to us, or claiming someone else’s view as our own. We are each our own greatest teacher. When we learn to lead ourselves in our greatest manner, at our highest vibration, then we begin to expand into the soul we have the potential of being. Then we can serve as we are meant to serve. This is our responsibility. This is our wonderful journey.

We each need to find out for ourselves. And we can. The answers are within us all, and different for us all, as we are each beautifully unique. There is no cookie cutter form to define the path to or the goal of a better life. Though the more we dive deep and seek, the more we find there are universal truths.

Following is simply that:  a summary of some of those universal truths for practice, for raising our own vibration, for moving ourselves along the path of enlightenment. For, quite simply, creating a better life.

And yeah, easier said than done, some days, isn’t it?

So we work together, learn from each other, help each other out and grow in the process. This too is our responsibility. Being of and contributing to our community.

This formula I am sharing with you is not original. The essential steps have been around for thousands of years, in theories and practices across the globe. Sifting through the vast array of infinite knowledge embedded in the great religions and spiritual practices, these four gems shine through, solid and bright, worthy of our attention. So yeah, maybe I’m just pointing out the obvious. But if you’re even a little like me, sometimes we need a bit of prodding to open our eyes to see what’s right there in front of us.

Four simple steps that make a huge difference. At the very least, these allow us, if only briefly, to feel better, and make us better people to be around for those closest to us.  And maybe, just maybe, it does a lot more. This practice can raise our vibration which in turn raises the universal vibration. We not only create a better life for ourselves (and those with whom we live), we may in turn be creating a better world.

Give it a try and see for yourself. It works. I guess that’s why it’s been around for so long, in so many different mediums. It has helped me pick myself up when I’m down, raised my energy when it has weakened or I have wanted it higher, and brought me back on my path when I have stumbled and stalled. And when I practice what I’m preaching here, I’ve seen those around me lift themselves up in kind because of shared positive energy. How far can we take this potential?

One step at a time…

By being here now and reading this, you are on the path. That already is a giant step. Or like me, perhaps the accumulation of a lot of little ones. But I’m not counting that (or those) as one of the Four Essential Steps. That was probably the long drawn out prelude. At some point we feel so close, and yet, so blocked. We get to the stage of wondering, “What next?”  And “Is this really working?”  And “What is the point of this anyway?”  Ah yes, the darkness before sunrise. This is a wonderful place to be, frustrating as it may feel. This, my friends, is the doorway to the Jewel within the Lotus.

Welcome!

Before we begin, let’s consider what “a better life” is. Here in the States, the mainstream leads us to believe that “better” is more. More money, prestige, power, position, possessions, trips and stories, labels and accreditations. Bigger is better; the more the merrier. Consumerism, capitalism, and the damning desire for more, more, more! We’re told “better” means having the perfect partner, a powerful job, tons of money, and an awesome body. How many of us think we need these things first, and then the better life will come? I’m pretty sure we’ve all done that. I know I have. You know, the “If only…” “I’ll be happy when…”  “Why can’t I…” and “After I get x, things will be different.”

Well, let’s just say after years of work, we finally get “x.” And guess what? Then we find ourselves still unsatisfied. It happens. We’ve all done that. There’s a bigger picture out there. And once we realize we want to be a positive part of that, then “x” suddenly loses it charm. We find it wasn’t the answer.

I’m not saying these things are bad. But are they the keys to unlock a better life? Are these the essentials for a better life? We all know they are not. They are just the stepping stones to a Bigger life. Or bigger ego, bigger debt, bigger complication, bigger struggle and bigger picture in which we are still not a positive part. So bigger, yes. But better? You decide. You already know the answer. These are not the things that bring us inner peace, contentment, point and purpose, universal understanding and compassion. I’m guessing that if you’re here reading this, your journey is not one of material/superficial pride and profit. You are deeper than that. Your path is higher. Your path is one of wisdom, grace, and gratitude. And love. Definitely love. These are the keys to happiness, fulfillment. These are the keys to a better life.

And so we begin to shift our focus to where we are, what we have, what we can do, and who we truly are. We begin here, learning to create a better life. Not tomorrow. Not down the road. Now. Here and now. Within us. A beautiful place to begin looking and expanding. Starting within one’s self.

Wonderful things happen when we start to fulfill our inner calling, understand our place in the big picture, and honor the complete connection. And the funny thing is, often we find, through practice of these simple steps, we get what we are really seeking. And more. Start simple. The rest will follow.

Now, I’m not saying this is quick and easy. But starting is. And the steps we follow really are. And then it takes practice, dedication, discipline and commitment. And it’s worth it. Because it’s something we can do. Not something we are waiting for, or depending on others for, or need something else first before we can get what we think we want. It’s within us all. And yes, it works.

A better life. Who defines what that would be? You do, as you create it. Start by defining what matters most. Fancy food and a new car and big house and a hot date and a pile of cash to buy the latest, greatest, which is always something more? If that’s what you want, fine. Then you’re probably too busy shopping, spending, primping and preening, and battling through your high power job to be here reading this.

But for those who think maybe, just maybe “better” means something deep inside oneself, something maybe completely connected with the bigger picture, something very, very simple…

We’re the one’s working to change ourselves. Not because we think bigger is better, or more is mightier, or we want to keep up with the Jones’. But because we believe in working towards inner peace. And in turn, we are working towards world peace…

And that’s how we change the world. One little step at a time.

Okay, now onto those steps. (Finally!) Let’s get to work.

Four simple steps. Sounds so easy. Some days it is. Some days it’s not. Like with any practice, the more we practice, the better we become, the better our life becomes. But first, we must start. And second, we must continue.

This practice honors the highest and “best” within you and of life. Through practice, we honor and expand our mind/body/soul balance to the self/community/universe connection, practiced and expressed with gratitude, grace, respect and humility.

Keep it simple, or go as deep as you can. Take three minutes, or thirty…  Just do it.

  1. Breathe… Deep breathing is an art with many forms. This is but one way. This is based on the simplicity of centering, grounding, being. Begin with three deep breaths. Imagine the path of air like a cane flowing through your physical being. Bring your breath fully through your body, deep, down, bright and fulfilling. Breathe in through your nose, imagining the air moving up through your head, down your throat, through your lungs, heart, organs, and down into your core, through your solar plexus at the center of your physical being, all the way into your belly, the dantian, the cauldron, below your navel, where your chi or life force is stored. Then slowly exhale, following the path, completely up, and outward, letting go. Focus on each breath, following it completely through its path within you. Long, slow, deep breathing. Honor each breath. Watch it flow through you. Move your attention with it.
  2. Release… This step creates relief, freedom, space. It is about letting go. Letting go of anger, fear, attachment and our ego. These are contractive states that do not serve our “best” nor the highest energy of the universe. This is surrendering. This is the hardest step. Try. That’s all you can do, and that alone is so much. Begin with forgiveness. And in forgiveness, begin with yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept, allow, be grateful, grow. It is part of going through what we went through that allows us to be where we are now. Be thankful for our past, but do not dwell on it. It is past. Release completely. Holding on to the past is self indulgence. Visualize yourself standing in a cool stream, with the past in your hands. Honor it with grace and gratitude, and then let it go, dropping your hands gently to the water, allowing it to float free, down through the cleansing river, away from you. It no longer serves you. Why hold on still? Continuing with your breathing, on each exhale, release more. Deeper, fuller. Down to our ego, the mighty lion roaring within us all, and that which fights the strongest to hold on in times of change. You are changing. Allow it. Imagine with each exhale, the ego, the past, fears and anger leaving you, floating out, flushed away, or blown out into ether where they can be returned to the Infinite Universe. Release.
  3. Replenish… Now is the time to fill the void back up, recharge that space that was flushed of fear, anger, resentment and ego with Divine Light, love, positive vibration, expansive energy – call it what you will. This is the good stuff. Imagine it. Feel it. Visualize it coming from above, a beam of brilliant light reaching down from the heavens, penetrating into your crown, pouring into you, filling you, becoming you, radiating through you head to toe, and continuing deep into the core of the earth. Watch, feel, open, receive as this light pours forth luminous energy into you, filling you completely, radiating abundance, understanding, and love. See yourself completely glowing, a ball of light radiating from you, from your center, shimmering gold or white or a luminous rainbow. Pure light, pure energy. This powerful positive force shines within you, through you, from your center, deep within the core of the beautiful body you were given, outward, infinitely expanding.
  4. Connect… Now we move beyond our self, our ego, our body, our aura, our space. Now we expand. With each breath, we radiate that inner light outward, farther with every breath. Begin on the in-breath, concentrating that light and energy and positive vibration radiating deep within the center of your being. On the out-breath, send it outward to share it, offer it, extend it. Again, breathe in to return to your center, your heart light where the energy concentrates and increases in intensity. And again breathe out to expand this light far beyond your physical being. Inward to replenish; outward to extend. Send the energy further with each breath cycle. Begin close, with those dearest or nearest to you. Then onward to your community, to nature, to all beings, to the Earth, to the Universe. Breathe out to an infinite expansion. As far as your beliefs will take you, and maybe a little further. Perhaps it is reaching outward just to the person next to you, and that alone is so much. Or maybe it’s further, reaching your community, all beings, the entire earth, and beyond. Where ever this step takes you, whatever feels right to you, it is beautiful. This is bliss, beyond one’s Self and a part of the Whole. It is outside of you. And yet you are part. Go with it. Expand. And here we find the paradox:  you are both everything and nothing, everywhere and nowhere. Completely connected. Giving, offering, sharing, reaching out. And as we expand our energy, we expand ourselves. You are with this step making a better life, making the world a better place by reaching out with love and light and connection.

Four simple steps that take us so far and yet no where at all.  We breathe into it, we release, we replenish, and we connect.  And in doing so, we feel better. We are being a better person.  We are creating a better life.

With each breath, we can create a better life.

Namaste. What a wonderful blessing to conclude with.

.

on the ground

Standing Still…

/ Gin Getz / 2 Comments

With grace and gratitude to elephant journal for sharing my work,

for the opportunity to share words and worlds beyond my mountain,

and to all who have continued to read my writing, touched and inspired me.

 

Namaste.

My body, my mind, my soul.

/ Gin Getz / 8 Comments

Back in 1981 at the age of fifteen I walked into a Planned Parenthood office, skinny and scared.  No, not to get an abortion. But to prevent one.

Maybe you’re better than me.  You managed to abstain. Good for you.  I didn’t.  And I had no one else to turn to, no where else to go.  If not for the advice and care at Planned Parenthood, I too could be another women who turned to abortion because I didn’t know what else to do.

Instead, I was treated with kindness and respect, care and compassion.  Because of the wonderful women at Planned Parenthood who cared for me then, I learned to respect my body, respect myself, respect life, and choose it accordingly.  And now, over thirty years later, I return in kind. As a midwife, I serve in bringing in new life. Chosen life. Because yes, I confess, I do believe a woman has the right to an abortion.   And silly me, I still don’t get why it’s a political issue when it appears to me it’s actually zealous religious beliefs that have created the current political uproar and have in turn shut down the federal funding of my beloved Planned Parenthood.

~

This is in consideration of our government’s choice to remove funding from Planned Parenthood (and in turn the 2.7 individuals and families in this country relying on their services) and continued threats of a government shutdown based upon the political/religious fear that Planned Parenthood invokes.

Wake up folks. This is not about money and the national debt.  Remember the funding is already there, and there is not a whole lot of it. This is not something we normally would bat an eye at when you see the figures that have been allotted in the past to allow this service to continue.  Why then the big fuss?

From USNews.com (http://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2015/09/18/why-shut-down-the-government-over-planned-parenthood ):

“Planned Parenthood gets around $450 million yearly in federal payments, mostly Medicaid reimbursements for handling low-income patients, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office.”

Don’t fool yourself. This is a fiasco that contains its deepest roots in political bias, religious un-freedom and the need to control.

No, this is not about money.

This is about, “I am right; you are wrong.”

This is not about giving – it’s about taking away. Contraction, not expansion.  Control, not compassion. Shutting down, not opening further. Imposing my beliefs because I don’t need, want or like it. And somewhere deep down at the core, it’s probably about fear.

And this has been going on for a very long time, my friends.  I am grateful for the rights my mother fought to ensure me. And in turn I understand I must do what I can to protect these rights for the next generation to come.

~

This is a call to each of us to rise above the fear/belief/need in imposing ones personal beliefs upon others and in consideration of human rights.

And even if you’re one to completely abhor abortion and think it is your God given right and/or moral duty to impose your personal beliefs over others, this is still a false representation of the battle.  There’s so much more at stake here than abortion. Like birth control, breast exams, treatment of STDs, and women’s general health services. As per factcheck.org (http://www.factcheck.org/2011/04/planned-parenthood/), only three percent of the services at Planned Parenthood are abortions, and pursuant to an article in the Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2015/09/18/house-passes-planned-parenthood-defunding-and-anti-abortion-bills-but-will-they-help-avert-a-shutdown/), since the 1970s federal funds are not allowed to be used for abortions anyway.

But these facts appear irrelevant in this emotionally charged, political and religious based argument of which the angriest political party may be the “winner” and the people in need are, once again, the loser.

So, why the big fuss?

~

The personal is political.

That is what this is about. Control, religious beliefs, moral ground that claims to be higher ground, and our inability to see beyond the tip of our nose.

Hatred breeds in the darkness of the closed mind.

Love is the open mind. Expansive. Beautiful. Full of compassion, expression, care, choice, voice and life.

When will we learn to open our minds, eyes and hearts?  When will we learn to truly respect our fellow human beings?

Truly rising above fear based actions, and being a compassionate, moral human being means more than just allowing, but at times preventing control, manipulation and otherwise suppression of the bodies or beliefs of our fellow human.

Thus there are times taking a stand is essential, and doing nothing means allowing degradation and violation.

Now may be one of those times.

~

My body is mine.

As I do not want you to violate it, I do not want you to vote on it.

It is not your business; it is not your belief.  It is not your political playground nor you higher calling.

It is simply not yours.

It is mine.

And so shall I defend it.

~

 

grey leaves

Going Nowhere.

/ Gin Getz / 7 Comments

As the leaves turn full and fat and green

and wilds swell moist and plump and prolific

and views enshrouded in cool grey veils

and mornings frost and afternoons wash us away

 

As flowers burst forth and fruit attempts to ripen

and seeds within are scattered without

so far yet from fruition but emerging

coming to a life not yet realized

 

River voice speaks loudly

monotone and constant

And I vaguely remember the in and out

pulse and surge of waves

 

But we do not have that here.

 

Pale silver morning dew

frosted on tall green grass

already turned to seed

that this year may wash away

rather than scatter in the winds

 

Waving silky laden pregnant with promise

I do not know their names

any  more than I know the names of flowers or birds

as they know them not and care not too

 

Only appreciate my recognition:

the blue one, the dear one,

the silly one that lights atop the outhouse,

the yellow one that blooms beside the door.

 

Geese grow their young and feathers of flight

and coyotes are wisely silent

and crow sits on the rock watching her mate

feeding her child now the same size as she

 

And the river barely lowers her voice on this year

that the snow gathers energy to return early

on this lush ephemeral season

which I will watch pass

 

And through which I will remain

now apart of where I tried to leave

finding roots sinking spreading taking strong hold

through bedrock without my blessings

 

Ah yes, and now they got me.

 

And here I am

and shall remain

beside nameless flowers

and familiar songs of birds and wind

and grasses bursting with next year’s life.

old mans beard

 

elephant heads

 

penstimon

 

The season is short.  How long until the winter coat begins to grow again?

Time to get to work.

Got a house to build, a business to run, school to study, bellies to fill, another move to make… and another book to complete and the next one softly raps against the door, waiting for room to come in.

A tremendous time of change.

Time to turn within and focus at the work at hand.

Spilling over, now is the time of bounty.

Expansion in retreat.

And though the writing room is being built and new books are spilling into fruition, for now I am taking a rest from sharing articles for a while.

I’ll touch base from time to time, a way to keep grounded and connected and remind you I care, because I hope you know I do.  In the meanwhile, please keep in touch if you’d like – write me directly or via this web site (sorry, I no longer use other social media and prefer to keep it personal instead).

Until the next time we meet…

norman

 

on pasture

 

On Death, Dying and Depression: Dealing with our Darkest Days.

/ Gin Getz / 17 Comments

~

Finding a bright side to a dark situation.

Going with it. Allowing it.  Honoring it.  Moving beyond not in spite of, but because of.

Because we can learn the greatest lessons from our darkest days.

This is the natural cycle of life. And death.

~

This is not what I meant to write about this week.  A whole essay on another topic open on my desk top ready to share with you.  It can wait.  This came up. And so we go with it. Ride the waves of life. For to miss out is to lose those greatest lessons.  This is living.

~

Here in the high country, rain and hail continue. Clear mornings bring heavy frost. Clouds amass by mid day and the sky is awash in striations of deep grey by afternoon. Maybe in evening after a good downpour, the sun will break through far to the west and illuminate the tops of the snow covered peaks, glowing like stars on top a Christmas tree.

Leaves challenge the elements and slowly emerge, blending hillsides of the most vibrant greens into bands of waving white above tree line. Dandelions are quick to open their sunny faces in fleeting moments of sunny skies, and tuck themselves in with a sense of self preservation and practicality when the clouds wash over again.

Now is the time of rebirth, yet what I feel is the oppression of loss.

No one I know has recently died, nothing has changed, nothing is really wrong.

And yet, I feel I have lost something.

Something deep and primal and personal and essential.

A part of myself.

And for that part, that something I can not fully define, I find myself in mourning.

Amazing we can feel this way, so strongly, when on the outside it appears everything in our lives is “just fine.”

~

I need to rant.  Please bear with me. I think you can take this, and maybe, just maybe, you’ve felt this way too.

Winter was hard.  It’s a long story; I won’t bore you with it now.  But the season on one hand left me empowered and with new focus; and on the other left me tired, empty, something in me missing, hurt, off, wrong.  The wind got me.  That sounds weird and I don’t really understand how and I can’t explain it better than that, and believe me, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.  But I think that’s what it was. The wind.

I thought I was strong.  Impenetrable.  (At times we may find we are weaker than we think, and the lesson may be in finding the beauty in that softness which only weakness allows.)  Well, I don’t particularly want to be weak, so I went to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor and she noticed the wind right away.  She said my chi was weakened and the wind got in me and got me bad.  Believe what you wish, think what you want, this really made sense to me.  It just felt right.  Something deep inside was off and needed to get grounded.

So, I’ve been working to balance my chi again, and thought I was doing well… but then suddenly… WHAM.

Suddenly I am sad, angry and depressed.

What triggered this? Where does this stuff come from?  I thought I was doing great… everything was fine.

I walk down to my beloved bridge – my way to get away – and the river is so crazy high with spring melt off from the warm temperatures mixed with the abundance of rain, swirling café au lait colored brown and raging, loud, wild, powerful and intense like I have never felt her run before… and I just sit there, legs dangling off the bridge in the middle of all this powerful water… and I cry.  Hard.  I have visions of falling into that water. I think how easy it would be. Just let go, slip away. No more problems, confusion, hurt… But I don’t want to end my life or miss out on what will be or cause pain to others.

What then, can I do to end this suffering?

Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself. I’m not suicidal.  I’m just really sick of life today.

~

The next day, I walk back down to the river, that bridge, and stand there over the mighty river and smile. The sun shines warm on my face and my husband holds me and says just the right things, and my dog sits by my side as I stop and listen to the strong white noise and I can’t imagine a better life.

~
Nuts, you may say.

Maybe so.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is living life, wild and free.

And what can we do but go with it, and make the most of it?

~

Considering balance.  Our life is fuller if we allow the cycle of life to ebb and flow and even over flow at times. Remaining in balance at all times denies us this vast array of human emotions, creative expression, wild adventures, amazing acts of beautiful passion and tremendous bravery, and ultimately, great achievements.  Balance is an over-touted safety net by which we can remain level, in line.  Mediocrity, if you ask me. And missing out.  It’s not easy, riding the pendulum, but it’s a wild ride, and well worthwhile. And I’m just starting to get it: this is what living life fully means.

(More on this can be found in the fabulous excerpts from this week’s Brain Pickings.)

What can I say?  Don’t say a thing.  Instead, let’s hold on to our hats and stand out in the wind and pouring rain, raise our heads back and howl!

Because remember this too:  What about love?  What is level and balanced about love? Would you be willing to miss out on love in order to keep your cool and maintain control and live your life well balanced?

~

And yes, that means risking a broken heart.

A little bit of death every time.

Would you have it any other way?
~

And so we must die. Leave the past behind.

What does it mean to die and remain among the living?

Is this not an intense part of the spiritual journey, and like all experiences, unique to each of us?

Giving everything, going to the ends, letting go, a complete release, and opening up to that which is absolutely new.

Or do we prefer to let go of those extremes, find center, be steady and stable and secure, and live life only from that balance point?

There is no one right way.

What way do you choose?

I won’t tell you your way is wrong if you won’t tell me mine is.

~

Suddenly in meditation it all makes sense.  Fleeting glimpses of great wisdom and the Divine.  The intensity is intoxicating, though it does not last long.  I don’t have the answers, but the questions become more clear, and I can’t help but want to know more…

~

There is such comfort in knowing we are not the only one. And so I share this, with you.  Maybe you’ll think I’m nuts, and prefer to remain safe and stable. Or maybe you’ll feel this way too.

~

Dear Amy of SoulDipper shares the following wisdom:

We do have to die before we are reborn.  One book used in my study of the mystical principles in Sufism (borne from the wisdom of the Desert Fathers) contains a chapter titled “Die Before You Die”.    

…Rumi, the poet who was a devout Sufi, is also quoted in the chapter.  He wrote:  

The mystery of “Die before you die” is this:
that the gifts come after your dying, and not before.
Except for dying, you artful schemer,
no other skill impressed God.  One Divine gift
is better than a hundred kinds of exertion.
Your efforts are assailed from a hundred sides,
and the favor depends on your dying.
The trustworthy have already put this to the test.
(Mathnawi, VI, 3837-40)

(Amy is a wonderful friend, well known resource, powerful guide, and fellow soul searcher along this journey.  She offers two invaluable services for the awakening mind. First is her Operation Blind Spot, helping you help yourself in understanding, accepting and healing your past.  Second are her Intuitive Sessions, channeled readings bringing insight and wisdom into the Self through spirit guides, and ultimately, through the Divine.)

~

Can we call it depression in the literary sense, not the clinical:  low, slow, down, dull?

Finding a bright side to a dark situation… for is not depression a little bit of our soul dying and being reborn with every wave?

I think those of us who think a lot about things like… say… life… are going to have our spells.  How could we not?

We are not taught to treat ourselves, to trust ourselves and even to understand ourselves.

I am challenging you to begin. With me.  Let’s give it a try.

To clarify depression, I do not mean the clinical term but the emotional state.  As in sad, down, low, dull (for none of us can be up, high, bright and light all the time!).

The label of Depression for disease, chemical imbalance, mental illness are of separate concern and beyond my realm.  Not that I don’t want to give this matter value, but I don’t deal with labels (nor the medical model).  I deal with life, and hope to share my little glimpses with you, not take on medical assumptions.

What I speak of here is the inner turmoil of the eternal seeker.  The natural part of life for those living fully.  The low on the waves, the ebb of the tide, and dark cycle of the changing moon.  To avoid darkness is to deny half of our life.

As we are all unique, so are our maladies, and so are our treatments.  Listen to yourself; trust yourself; know that you are your own best excerpt – no one knows you better than you know yourself. And yes, sometimes knowing our selves means knowing when to turn to others for help…

For those of us for whom depression is but a dark spot to dive into, it serves as an opening to the light on the other side.  Maybe a cliché.  But you get what I mean.

~

Because there must be death before new life.

Leaves will wither and fall before new buds emerge.

Which promise then new blossoms, fragrant and bright and wild.

~

My husband tells me he was told you haven’t really lived if you never thought of dying.

~

Does the cycle ever end?

What would the alternative be?  Balance?

Missing out on the lows would mean missing out on the highs.

Am I willing to forgo all that to remain somewhere safe?

~

At times I am tempted, but these times do not remain for long.

I return to life with a childlike zeal and curiosity and passion.

Lost as the young women I try to help.

How can I help when I don’t know the answers?

Somehow just being there, reminding others they are not alone, you are not the only one and this is not wrong… in fact, within this is something very beautiful indeed.

I am still on the path.

Walking beside.

Some days wildly wandering.

~

I don’t know where I am going with my writing.

I don’t know where I am going with my life.

Saying that at nearly fifty seems wrong.

I want to know. I think.

Some days I don’t want to be searching still.

I want to have found the answers.

Truth.

Maybe we never do.

So, I write.

Words come.

I can’t keep up though I try, and have no idea where these words will lead me, will lead you, if you will even read.  And somehow this matters, not for vanity so much as sanity, and just the same, I must write.

I want to reach people, help people, that’s why I write, I think that’s why words come to me, through me.

Some days I just don’t know.

Maybe today is one of those days.

Tomorrow will be different.

~

After nearly fifty years of asking questions, suddenly I find myself being asked the very questions I have asked a hundred times. Although I still feel so often like a child in body, heart and mind, what others see must be different:  graying hair and spreading wrinkles like hoar frost on a winter morning.

The natural progression of things. I’m not sure I understand, but go along with it. What else can I do?

This is the curious order of awakening minds.

And the random wisdom we share,

as both the asker and teller

Receive.

~

Widen your gaze!

Embrace all of life.

The light and the dark.

My world is wild, and natural, and trusting and nurturing.  It’s cruel, harsh and raw and real at times, and more beautiful than anything I could dream up other times.  I don’t want to refute, refuse or change my world, only make the most of it, be fully connected, and do my best to understand, integrate, and be one with it all.

I want to live.

As fully as I can.

~

Working in the high country yesterday, along the Continental Divide.  Pouring rain, soaked through slickers and boots well packed with mud and I’m just grateful it’s not snowing.  We’re wet and chilled and working with saw, shovel and ax until we feel we can’t do more and then of course we do a little more because really it just feels so good to be out there in the elements and giving our all and this is living, and that’s how I feel so alive.

~

Once again, I am re-born.

~ ~ ~

 

Creating Connection: Finding Balance Between Nature and Man.

/ Gin Getz / 7 Comments

gunnar on walk

~

Random thoughts on awakening where we are.

~

We are all connected.

Then why too often do we feel so alone?

~

Within us all is a universal need to find our sense of community, of belonging within this big beautiful world; to find the special place where we belong, the special few to whom we belong.

~

I want to belong.

(Don’t we all?)

And yet, here I am.

Hiding in the trees.

Is not, then, here

where I belong?

~

Here, it is all around.
Surrounding, encompassing, embracing.

My community, where I belong, where I find myself, allow myself to be.

Nature and the wilds.

 

For half of the year, a white, still, silence shared between the trees and me.

Now, a passing motion, stirred by the heavy rains on raw spring soil.  Rocks shifting in loose dirt, river roaring brown. Trees holding vigil as the seasons come and go and come again.

Slowly the mountain livens not with her accord but for the elk, deer, hummingbirds and humans that begin to migrate upwards.

~

And still, I reach for more.

The challenge of finding our place and space.

Becoming or creating a community to which we can be apart.

Expansive and inclusive.

Challenging and creative.

When it’s too easy to fall for same, similar, safe, close, closed.

 

Community can be that which awakens us, or that which suppresses us.

The choice is ours.

 

Community can be the pillow of protection, surrounding us with assurance.

Or it can be a matter of contention, rebellion.

The comfort of connection, or the battle to define one’s self.

Seal ones position or deny one’s place.

Surrounded by like minds, or contrary minds.

Absorbed in a similar reality, or forced to defend your views, define your truths.

What are your challenges in finding where we are meant to be?

~

Being a part, or being apart.

As we can not be all places at all times, or all things to all people, how do we realize the Self and place of Self within our world?

~

Here in the high country, spring is late to come. The leaves are only now opening and will remain attached for merely four months, at which point the trees release and we begin the big slumber that remains here for half the year, while the other three season share the other half.

Spring is a time of adjustments when I go from being the happy hermit to becoming the social misfit.

It is happening now.

~

Some days

I feel

closed in

Today

People in four directions

When what I reach for is

air earth water trees

 

Naked branches suddenly

thickening with leaves

views enclosed and narrowing

Silenced is the rushing river

 

Tonight in moist and mild spring air

I see lights in strange cabins

Brighter than the big spring moon

Dancing silver on winding river

 

I lose touch

With  her

With me

 

Now is the time

I hole up

Withdraw

Turtle retreats to his shell

 

Is that where he belongs?

~

So, we’re coming out of the Wilderness. My dog and me.  I am armed with my camera. Nothing more.  Perhaps a half eaten granola bar in one pocket, a bandana in another, and chapstick in the third. What more do I need for a day hike?

 

What should I really fear our here that I cannot handle? What are we told?  Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!  Yes, we have those.  But it’s not them I have learned to look out for.

 

We’ve been hiking for how many hours, how many miles, on a trail that has not been used since the hunters were run off the mountain in last November’s snows.  Tracks of elk, moose, deer, coyote. And my dog and me.

 

We’re almost back to the trailhead, and it feels like returning to civilization. This is often a strange and bittersweet place to find myself.  My dog is ahead of me.  I see movement just past the trees, so quite calmly I say, “Gunnar, wait.”  He stops in his tracks and waits.  Good boy.

Two more steps reveal a woman in day-glow colors and day pack, and odder  to me still, a man with a big stick in both hands, held over his head, shaking it at my dog, who reads people well enough to know not to get close to this one.

 

Maybe it was Bear Phobia. Here he is, going into the Wilderness, and you know what he thinks he’ll see.  Not some little wild woman and her friendly dog.

 

Is he friendly, the man asks, still shaking the big stick.  Yes, I reply, he is.  I call my pup and continue on, growling beneath my breath something about how I’m the one he should watch out for, not my dog…

 

See, it’s not the bears I’m afraid of up here.  It’s the people.

 

This was my first chance encounter with the human race on this mountain this year.

Is it any wonder why I long for the return of winter?

~

Take a deep breath.

Don’t go there, I remind myself.

Open up.

What matters more than connection?

We are all connected.

Then why do I feel so detached?

~

Here I watch people come, people go. At times my heart sings when they leave; other times it aches as they vanish like a passing storm that left the soil soft and ripe.

With each chance encounter, we have the opportunity to learn, laugh, love.

Upon fertile grounds of compassion, we open, expose our souls, and though we risk being left empty when they take what they want or need and leave, we also chance a great awakening, or a simple story, or something beautiful shared.

Passing though, they come and go, unlike the certainty of the seasons, but with the season.

~

For years I fought to leave

Time and again, she pulled me back

(kicking and screaming at times)

And tied me down

Only now do I see here is where I belong

Not because I have given up, but because I have opened up.

~

My community, I found in the trees.

~

Here we learn the natural adjustment to the seasons.

The cycle of life

To which we are a part

Neither above nor beyond.

~

As the leaves emerge bright and shiny and as suddenly the size of squirrels’ ears, only to fill out and wash the hills in a lush green wave, until the brilliant gold of late September in long shadows lays the land back to rest, and under the white we remain.

~

Expand into this world

Like breathing…

~

There is neither right nor wrong

There just is.

Along with our need to find our place

Within some precast mold to which we may not fit.

And when we learn to let go

And be

We may find ourselves

Way out here.

And still

Fully connected

A part of it all.

~

Still…

I sit with the evening sun on my face

Bound by the lull of a rushing stream

Dandelions aglow on the moist hill on which we rest

Leaning on and into each other, wordless now, my husband and I

The dog on vigil behind us

And…

For one beautiful moment

This is exactly where I belong.

Where I want to be, without wanting more

It feels so right to say that, to know that, to feel that,

to finally believe that,

until the wind reminds us to leave.

The adventure of standing still.

~

Am I wrong to say this is where I belong

This is my community

And find connection, wisdom, soul

In wind, water, bark and branches?

~

Do trees have soul?

The collective soul.

These are the old wise ones.

~

A walk deep in the woods with a small glass jar in one hand, sticky fingers in the other, gathering pitch from my beloved once blue spruce. The old ones, the big ones, are now long gone; their sap dried and brushed into the earth by elements and time. Now it is the smaller ones putting out their last liquid essence in a vain attempt to hold life, when what they are doing is dying.  I am collecting the blood and tears of their wounds to create a healing salve. To honor my neighbors, my friends.

As I reach into the dried bare branches once green and lush and flexible, snapping them off with no more than the weight of my extended arm, stretching towards the last of their golden, glowing life oozing through their wounds, my flesh is scored by a broken branch. My tears and blood blend with theirs.  Different colors, mine warm and red, and yet all the same, is it not?

 

Their souls remain after the needles fall.  Perhaps a secret stillness remaining in their roots for a year or more in the silent soil.

And then they are silent.

Where do their souls move onto?

~

In  winter

I bloom

Fragrant and bright and wild

 

Where am I going,

you ask

And I tell you

I do not know.

~

alyssa 2

~

A Meditation on Simplicity

/ Gin Getz / 4 Comments

~

sweet alyssa 2

~

We live in the daze of busy-ness.

We’ve got one hand swiping the big screen trying to keep up with the latest greatest, and a phone (yes, we still call these things “phones”)  in the other with a text coming in, post going out, photo being shared, a meeting coming up, appointments overlapping, multi-tasking, yet, sorry, we’ve been crazy busy and we don’t have time and got to go ‘cause we’re running late for what we’re not so sure but we know it’s the thing, think it’s important, are certain it matters and we don’t want to miss out.

We’re caught up in this epidemic of busy-ness.  The social norm. Self created.  Self inflicted.  Some days we feel sucked in, stuck and see no way out of this powerful spinning spiral. This is just how it is.

It’s all about accomplishment, achievement, goals and success…

Or is it?  For who defines your success?

As if busy-ness might bring us self worth and social status, help us understand where we are in the bigger picture, and what we’re all about.

Does it?

We’re usually too busy to be certain.

On the other end, there is stillness, silence, just being.

Nice as that sounds, really, we don’t have time for those things.

We don’t take the time. We’re completely caught up in this cycle. Too much else going on.  Big stuff.  Important stuff.  And really, we’re pretty important people. You know how it is.

Simplicity seems so far away.

But if we stop for just a second and take a serious look, we’ll see it’s pretty darned close.  It’s just a matter of choice.  If you’re ready, you can choose it. Just for a minute. Try it. The world will go on just fine without you.

And if you’re not, that’s okay too.  Keep on going as you were.  If that’s working for you, great.  No need to read on.  Keep on with what you were doing, because chances are, it’s a Very Important Thing.

~

Simplicity.  Sounds so simple.  Maybe it is.  Maybe we just make it complicated. By choice.  Just a thought, if we choose to take the time to think about it…

Busy-ness has become our comfort zone, our identity, our understanding around which everything else revolves.

What happens if we let go?

Will the bottom fall out and we find ourselves floating, out of control, without the safety of social identity, title, label, status and involvement?

The emperor without his clothes.

What do you think would happen if we release that stigma and allow ourselves to be.

Be what? If you ask that, you’re missing the point.  Just be.  Nothing more.  No strings attached.

Maybe we’ll go through a period of unrest. We’ll get fidgety, restless, look around, at our watch, at someone else, surely we should be doing something.

Because, we are told, something is always better than nothing.

Fill ‘er up, stuff the holes, fill in the cracks, don’t leave yourself with empty space, free time, and certainly not silence.

Free time is frowned upon, unless is snuck in, scheduled or under the disguise of Something Very Important. (Like the number of hours spent at our desk keeping up with Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest when everyone thinks we’re working… we hope.)

Silence, well, few of us know what that is.  Maybe it’s the wind. Flowing water.  A singing robin or rain on the roof. The usual traffic we hear come and go without attachment, or judgment. It just moves like waves, never ending. Silence is without the busy-ness in our head filling up and masking over those background sounds that just are.

Do we think busy-ness will make us more important?  Does being important matter? Why?  And who is to judge?

Of course one might stop to question in all this busy-ness, how much are we actually getting done?  What are we actually accomplishing, and how much does it all really matter?  But I don’t mean to be going there now. (Would you believe I don’t have the time?)  That’s a whole ‘nuther can o’ worms. You can think about that on your own sometime, if you have the time. (or should I say:  if you choose to take the time).

~

Okay, so, now… let it go. All of it.  The phone. The big screen.  The text coming in.  The appointment coming up. The work to be done.  The things you need to do and say, places you need to go… Leave it.

It’s not going anywhere.  It will be there when you’re done.  The world will manage okay for a minute without your help.

Try it.  Just for a second.  And just be.

Do we even know what that means?

We’re told this is idle time.

We catch ourselves scoffing at those sitting around not keeping themselves busy.

We praising the movers and shakers and high powered and popular faces with a thousand friends.

Society is not big on us just being.

Nor do we support it in ourselves.

In nothingness arises the frank confrontation of reality,

Seeing ourselves.

Unadorned by important people, deadlines, pressures, responsibilities, titles and rank.

These things are not you,

They are only what you cling to.

Let them go.

For just a minute.

Let me see the real you.

Unadorned.

Real and raw.

That is the real you.

~

Let’s try it.

Together.

Let’s start by letting go. Slowing down.

Just for a few seconds.

No deadlines, no pressures, no electronic devices.

Nothing we need to do or say, no where we need to go.

Relax your body and clear your mind.

Let thoughts come and go, without holding on, allow them to pass like leaves in the wind or sticks floating down stream

And you remain.

Still, silent.

Nothing.

Is the minute up yet?

Why am I doing this when I should be doing that?

It’s harder than you thought, isn’t it?

I know.

Let’s try again.

A whole minute this time.

Let’s go down to the river, or where ever it is you find your inspiration, and just sit for one minute, breathe, and listen…

Now what?

I dare you to do nothing!

I won’t guide you through the steps.

Maybe there aren’t any.

Maybe that’s the point.

Doing nothing.

Be.

That’s something.

That’s all you have to do, and it’s not as easy as it sounds.

I will only remind you, and you can go yourself.

In your time.

Take your time.

Nothing else matters.

Let go.

Do nothing.

Listen to your breath.

Count on the inhales.

Hold it.

Release on the exhales.

Feel your pulse, your heart, your moving blood.

Flowing like the river.

Watch the world around you.

You are not separate from it.

You are a part of it.

You are the river.

Flow.

Connect.

Go with it.

Let go of self, schedules, deadlines, social status, demands.

Be.

Become.

Think of nothing.

Allow thoughts to come and go, floating down the stream…

What matters more

than the sound of geese

congregating on wet pasture

in cool morning

Or the rising sun

Magenta

striking snow covered ridges

The reflection of clear sky

On a small pond

Mirror images of still leafless trees

Dancing in silky ripples

My  skin

My thoughts

My fears

Let them go.

All the he said

She said

What they think of me

I said too much

Too little

The wrong thing

Let them all go.

How can I hold onto what is gone?

The vibration does not continue

anywhere but in my

Emotive mind when I cling to it.

Let it go.

I am not this hurt

That wound

I am not a word

A story

Or language or sound

I am not what I say

Or what you say

These things come through me

And leave

When they leave my tongue

They are not me, they are not you,

they just are as I just am.

Let the rest go.

And I am what?

What am I left with?

The rock worn smooth

Solid and unmoving

Over which the water flows?

Or am I the water

A part of it

Moving or staying.

Can you tell what it does, where it goes,

What part leaves and what remains,

Or is it all just what it is,

Part of the river, flowing water?

And does that matter anyway?

What matters more

Than the air

Can I say I breathe

As if it were mine

Do I take it

Own it

Use it

Control it

Am I controlled by it

Or am I of it

In it

It

I am none of it

All of it.

Being, Connecting.  Letting the rest go.

Being in the wind, of the sun, a part of the rich damp soil.

Even for just a minute.

~

This is not about going anywhere.

Doing anything.

Accomplishing something

Picturing or focusing on becoming

It’s just about being

Still and silent

Letting it come and go

Without holding on

Without attachment

Or expectations

And yes it is hard

And yes, you can do it.

And so can I.

If we so choose.

A meditation in simplicity.

I cannot sit here and tell you what to do.

I can only encourage you to be your best

While I try to figure out mine

And sometimes our best is nothing.

Just being.

The hardest thing to do.

The hardest thing to be.

~

sweet alyssa 4

~

Shared today on Conscious Life News.

And thanks again to my beautiful model, Sweet, sweet Alyssa.