Where I am now

Change. How do I put this into words? Share this with you? It is not what I expected. Not what I am used to writing about. Uncomfortable. Not bad, just different. So different I am out of my element. Out of touch. Out of words.

I didn’t plan this part. Guess we’re not always in control of the world around us. But we can control how we react to it all. Ride the wave. Rather than tumble under and gasp for air. I’ve been there, too.

Still, this is not how I wanted it to begin for Forrest. This is not how I wanted to come back to visit him. But we do what has to be done. And hopefully learn from it all.

I’ve learned a lot already. I’ve learned you never stop being a mother… or sister or friend. Distance doesn’t matter. If you’re needed, you’re there. I should have known this one already. I’ve tested the boundaries of my own mother (and sister and friends) plenty in the almost thirty years since leaving home, and learned that this is in fact true. Tested and proven, over and over and over again. There is comfort in this for me. I’m not ready for mothering to end. Though I look forward to where it brings me, now dealing with an exciting and interesting adult for my so-called child. For now, it’s brought me to Squamish, British Columbia to nurse him back to health after a mountain bike mishap. I can think of worse places to be.

I’ve learned my son is as strong, smart, capable and independent as I expected, which is a lot. However, there are some times one should not be alone. Like after an accident. And then dealing with broken out front teeth, a busted nose, and a rattled brain… all after living here for less than three weeks. Minor details.

So here I am. Wishing I could do more. Not as upset as I thought I’d be to see this handsome young man looking rather rough.

Here I am. Sitting with my son on our rental apartment balcony in the morning sun, with downtown Squamish bustling before us, and these wild mountains cradling us all in the shockingly soothing light. I can almost hear the call… deep, old, wise words singing in the soft moist wind as it winds from the sea through these lush green peaks jutting out from the cold Pacific waters.

Yes, I could think of worse places to be.

5 thoughts on “Where I am now

  1. I hope he’s gonna be alright…nothing too serious. Take care of him Gin…I know that he’s glad you and Bob are there.
    Thanks for letting us all know!!!

  2. Gin, I feel your heart, feel the shift going on and find words difficult to convey how much I appreciate your soulful pourings and revealings of all the changes and layers, bumps, falls, climbs, stalls. You are wonder. Love that son, adult, brother in life. There are times when no one should be alone. You know that well. Hugs to my sister…

  3. Hugs welcome and well receieved, thank you, Ruth.
    Missing you and been so busy have not taken the time to check in.
    Your world. So close and yet so far.
    Know you are going through so much yourself.
    How selfish I can be, carried away on my own waves.
    Think of what we each are going through.
    Maggie with your new farm…
    How self absorbed I see I can be…
    And when I wake up I see…
    It’s all of us.
    Which I suppose is why my worries make so much sense to you.
    Because you’ve felt the same.

    • gin…not selfish…just doing the best you can in a world of change. and if you’re selfish, then me too. i’ve not dropped by here as often as i’ve wanted to but you’re in my heart. oxo…

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