Alright, this one got long. Grab a cup of coffee and sit back when you have some time, if you’re willing to read it through.

At my age, you start to hear it more often:

You should teach that! With all your years and experience, you have so much to share! Is this a compliment, or another way to tell me I’m getting old?

In my case, it’s stuff like herbs, wild crafting, writing, cooking and baking, off grid living, and horses, which I spent a lot of years already doing.

There are plenty of experts out there. I have no interest in being one.

See, I’ve never believed I would be a good teacher because I still feel the best way to learn is by figuring it out yourself. Not being told by someone else how to do things their way. Find your own damn way.

 At least, that’s how it works for me. Always thought it would be easier if someone could give me the answers. But then is that really learning, or is it remembering what someone once told you? For wisdom to sink into your bones and your belly, you have to live it. Yourself. Your own unique path. All the damned mistakes, misunderstandings, misjudgments, mess-ups and all.

Funny thing is, all the same, I’ve always secretly longed for a teacher, a guide, a guru. Sometimes just for reassurance. Because more often than not, likely I won’t agree with what he or she is telling me. But it’s a good prompt. It’s comforting. And people love to give advice so they can feel they have all the answers. But is it always in your best interest? That’s for you to figure out.

Sometimes help is a great thing. The encouragement of courage. The direction for taking the next step when sometimes you can’t see where your feet are meant to go. And it reminds you, you are not alone. Which with writing, can be a thing.

Other times, you need to figure it out yourself. After all, it is your path, and your feet ultimately that will walk it.

I think it comes down to this: Do you believe in yourself? And do you believe in others?

Believing in yourself in so far as you can stop counting on others for wisdom you already have or will figure out. Everyone is not wiser, better or more than you. You got what you need, got what it takes. You got your own trip around the sun. You have the ability to make it brighter every year. No one ever can do that for you.

Believing in others in so far as trusting that they too have the wisdom they seek inside them. They can figure it out for themselves. You are neither better nor less than them. They don’t need you to teach them your trip. You are not the expert. Everyone’s got their own trip. Let them take it.

Okay but… truth is, I have worked with coaches, and I love that. They’re different. Coaches help you find your own answers. They don’t give you theirs. That’s fun. That helps. They are more like cheerleaders. Not teachers, guides or gurus. And who amongst us couldn’t use some cheering on?

Mentors are similar, with the added bonus of they might hold a little more weight. They might actually have something you are looking for. Maybe answers. Maybe a career or life path you’re trying to follow. Sometimes a specific skill or trade or way of thinking. Good stuff here too. And a good reminder that this is where age and accrued wisdom really pays off – when you are able to share it with others. Not just amass it for your self. What good is that?

Though do remember that wisdom does not necessarily come with age. It’s not a guarantee any more than expecting wisdom to come from books or school or teachers telling you. It comes from experiencing those truths, yourself, then contemplating what they mean. It comes from learning by living. Not just going through the motions, but understanding them. Wisdom is the beautiful balance between knowledge, experience and deep understanding. Age can be on your side there.

All this rambling is inspired by this.

This past week I’ve been spending a lot more time than usual at my desk staring at the screen. In part because of the rain. In part because it’s work. Not the fun, inspiring, creative writing of getting my latest book moving along. This week has been work to get the book proposal (for A Long Quiet Ride) ready to send out. This is big and scary stuff. Finally reaching out to the pros and saying, “Is this good enough? Am I good enough?”

Of course what I really want is someone to tell me, “Yes that is good” before I even send it out. But no one does. First of all because no one but Bob has seen it. Though of course he always says it’s good.

Where are the mentors when you need one? The elders who can lend an ear, or a hand? When we’re really feeling lost, that’s when we most want a guide or guru. This week I was feeling I needed one. Guidance. Answers. Direction. A pat on the back. Something.

And then I got the answer I needed.

It came in the form of an owl.

If you take things as signs (as I tend to do), you know Owl is a symbol for inner wisdom. She’s also a symbol of the Divine Feminine.

Last time Owl came to me was after my long quiet ride, on our ride back from Colorado to California. It’s dark early morning, Bob’s driving out of the place where we camped for a few hours for a quick rest, almost halfway home, somewhere in Nevada. Crow and Bayjura are rocking back in the trailer, calm and still despite the movement of the trailer after all they’d been through. We’re pushing it, rushing to get home because we heard Canela was missing. As we ease out of the parking lot onto Highway 50, an owl crashes into the windshield. Hard. I knew it had died. I cried and screamed because I knew what it meant. Canela was dead.

This time, this past week, this handsome little fellow crashed into the glass on my kitchen door. Chances are he was after the phoebe who lives in the eve over the door. I rushed out to check on him, so afraid of what I’d find. Lifted his limp body in my hands and held him close to my chest as I brought him inside.

A moment later, I felt his talons grip strong on the flesh of my palm and my heart alighted. Within minutes, he was able to fly free.

I shared that story this weekend with a couple of soul sister poets with whom I get to gather with online once a month.

“You already have the mentor you need,” one blurted out firmly.

You know sometimes when you hear the right answer (even sometimes when you don’t want to) it hits you in the gut strong like a punch? Bam. Yes. You know it’s true.

This was one such time.

“What more of a mentor do you need?” she continued.

“Draw on your connection with the Earth, with the Divine Feminine.

She knows where you need to be, what you need to do. Ask her. Within.”

Yup. Gotcha.

The choice is yours.

How do you choose to see?

With self empowering wisdom? Balancing understanding with a continual childlike open mind?

Or feeling you don’t know enough, don’t have enough, aren’t enough, and all the answers will come from someone else? Like where, what? The perfect parent, teacher or Prince Charming?

It’s not just for work, like getting this proposal together. It’s about life.

A friend wrote recently so sad that as a new mom not enough people where showing up, helping out. When I was a young single mom, likely I felt the same way. But that’s grumbling, whining, blaming, being the victim of our life rather than the creator.

I asked her who she reached out to in kind. She hadn’t. Ah ha!

If you need a friend, go be a friend.

Don’t wait.

Don’t be the victim of your own life.

Have the courage to reach out, create connection.

Have the courage to do something beautiful for someone else.

There’s healing in that.

There’s connection in that.

There’s love in that.

We all want the same stuff. We want to feel safe, to belong, to be loved.

If you want something, if you need something, nobody knows but you. Don’t wait for someone to carry it to you when chances are they have their own issues holding them down. Go get it. Chances are, they will receive you, beautifully.

Sounds like I’m giving advice. Really, I’m just talking to myself. Reminding myself. Or trying to drum the wisdom in.

So what’s the best advice I was probably given, didn’t listen to, and eventually had to just figure out?

(besides “give more than you take,” “listen without judgments or assumptions,” and maybe just “be good.”)

It’s this:

The answers you’re looking for, the advice you’re seeking… It’s already in you.

Listen.

Inside.

Not to something or someone out there. Not all the time at least. Not for the really big stuff, or the ultimate answers.

Be your own guru.

You have heard this too.

Others can point to the moon, but only you can find your way there.

Life will test us, allow us to learn, hopefully not always the hard way.

If you’re gonna leap, and I hope you do, get to weaving your own damn net.

Find your own answers. Your own truth. Your own goodness and beauty and truth.

Stop looking out there.

Start looking in here.

Until next time,

With love, always love,

Gin